Chapter 11

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Castiel Novak POV

Castiel woke to the sound of yelling. The sound was muffled, as if it was coming to Castiel's ears through a think layer of cotton. He stuck one arm out of the warmth of his bed and reached for his clock by the bed, the cold air if the room jarring his senses and waking him up further. Tilting the face so he could read it, Castiel read the time and mentally cursed out whoever was yelling at 2:17 in the morning. He extracted his arm from the cold air and pulled it back under the covers, rolling over to snuggle down into the mattress and sleep some more.

Something felt wrong though, and Castiel couldn't put his finder on it. His brain began to sleepily deduce exactly what was missing and he slowly came to the conclusion that Dean.....

Castiel shot up in bed. Dean was gone. The bed next to Castiel was cold and he couldn't smell the warm coffee and mint smell of Dean, or even the metallic oil smell that has lingered on him, no doubt from Dean's dedication to his car, making sure to pop the hood and tinker with her to make sure she was running smoothly at least once a day without fail.

The yelling got louder and angrier and Castiel couldn't ignore it anymore. It sounded close, so he kicked the tangled covered off himself and attempted to sit up in bed, only to get his feet tangled in the duvet and loose his balance, falling onto the floor instead of sitting on the bed. The yelling stopped, the voice's owner listening for any more sounds and Castiel froze, not daring to breathe. He slowly deranged himself and pulled his body back up onto the bed. The voice that had been yelling earlier got louder again and Castiel was left wondering how the rest of the house was still asleep. With a final shout, the voice stopped and stomping feet came clomping down the hall towards Castiel's room. The bedroom door opened and an enduros red Dean stormed in, clutching a small mobile phone in one clenched fist. He was red faced and was breathing hard, tense with anger. Dean noticed Castiel sitting on the bed watching him, head cocked to the side in confusion.

"Dean, are you alright." Castiel asked quietly, careful not to be loud and wake the rest of the house.

"Alright isn't the word I would use." Dean said bitterly. "Barely managing, that's a better description."

"What's wrong?" Castiel asked innocently.

"Dad isn't coming gone for a week or so. He's too worried about his stupid job, all wrapped up in whatever the hell he does that he won't tell Sam and I and too busy about to care that his two sons are homeless." Dean said loudly, face clenching up in what Castiel recognized as the face that most people make when they're holding back tears. Castiel didn't want to push Dean but he knew he would feel better if he got whatever the hell he was worried about off his chest. He patted the bed next to him, his hand sinking down into the duvet. Dean raised an eyebrow and looked at Castiel through what seemed to be watery eyes.

"Oh god, please don't cry please don't cry I don't know what to do when people cry do you hug them because I don't know and I can't help Dean if he starts crying but I thought he was super strong and that he never cried and oh my god is that's tear?"

Castiel's thoughts were running rapidly through his head, so loud that he could barely think and all he could do was stare at Dean, who did indeed have a single tear running down his face. Castiel awkwardly extended his arms and moved to hug Dean but thought better of it and just sort of patted him on the shoulder. It was strange and Castiel felt weird doing it but it seemed to soothe Dean so he moved his hand to Dean's back and started rubbing small circles on his skin through the t-shirt Dean was wearing. He felt warm and firm, and Castiel could feel his muscles stretching and contracting every time Dean took a breath. He could feel how desperate each inhale was and how shaky each exhale came out, stuttering and tripping out of Dean's lungs into the open air.

"He said it's my fault." Dean said quietly. Castiel stiffened, still rubbing the small circles but also listening intently as Dean spoke softly. "He's said stuff like this before, you know. That it was my fault when Sam broke his arm and it was my fault when he lost his first job and it was my fault when Sam got lost at the grocery store that one time and it was my fault when Mom died and-" Dean's voice cracked and he pressed his lips together as another small tear rolled down his cheek. "I was just a kid. I didn't need that crap and now..." Dean turned his head away from Castiel, breathing jaggedly, trying to regain his composure. Castiel just kept his hand on Dean's back, calming him as he struggled to keep from breaking down in front of Castiel.

"A six year old should not be told that their mother's death is their fault." Dean said brokenly and Castiel's heart wrenched. He didn't know how Mary Winchester had died and he knew this probably wasn't the right time to ask so he kept quiet.

Dean shuddered and Castiel sighed and pulled Dean closer, putting an arm around him in a never-to-be-repeated gesture. Dean just leaned into him and sat there, shaking every so often.

Castiel just held him and Dean slowly fell asleep in Castiel's arms. Gently tugging the cell phone from the death grip Dean had on it, he places it on the bedside table and laid Dean down on the bed, curling up next to him and pulling the blankets over both of them. In his sleep, Dean pulled Castiel closer, getting a sigh of acceptance from the smaller man. Castiel closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

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Okay, I know this is really short compared to my others and kinda late but I was busy with school work, I've got a history exam (already!! they're gonna kill me this year) and I have been studying a lot so I haven't had much time.

But I have an idea already for chapter 12 so yay.

Sorry for the sad Dean, but I was feeling sappy and I needed to write some mushy feels scene.

Updates soon to come.

Read, review, comment, vote, ignore me and pretend my story and I don't exist, do I look like I care? (actually I do but whatever) Thanks

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