idek but trigger warninh

:(

i hate feeling like the people i love most dont feel the same about me. i love them so much but they've hurt me so much, they've broken me into a million little pieces. you don't hurt people you love. its like they may as well just grab a knife and stab it into my heart. I'm willing to die for them but they won't even try to not destroy me. if you love someone you don fuck them over, you don't betray them. being betrayed hurts so fucking much. it feels like someone just rips your heart out and slowly tears it apart until eventually, you don't know anymore. you might as well just kill me. ive stayed up so many nights in a row, breaking down, crying quietly wishing i could just end it when i think about all thats happened. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. i know what happened. you practically lied to me. it hurts so fucking much. i don't want to leave you. i don't want to. i won't. I'm so used to being hurt. why the fuck does it matter? im a fucking joke to everyone. i know im nothing, I'm no one's favorite person. there are people who say "you're my best friend" or "you're my only". yeah im not fucking stupid. i don't know if ill be able to forgive you. i barely trust anyone as it is. i gave you my whole fucking heart and soul and you decided to rip it out and pull it apart. i know at some point the pain i feel will slowly just numb away until its just a dull throb in a bad memory, but until then, i hate it. i will always hate it, even when its over and something deep in my memory. i hate it