idek but trigger warninh

trigger warning

Its gotten to the point I cant really cry much anymore. I just wanna fucking scream but I cant. I cant fucking to this. I wanna feel something besides pain. All ive done for the past few days is force myself through school and gotten through the motions. Here I am, again, laying in bed, feeling like theres a fucking hole through me. I cant do this. I wanna throw up, die, hurt myself, I dont wanna do this anymore. Life fucking sucks. I cant stop doing this to myself over and over again. Im always hurt by the people I love. Everyone says they love me but do they fucking really?? i mean, you never try and talk to me, you ditch me, you hurt me over and fucking over again but i cant find the balls to change anything for myself. I wanna stop this. I wanna be happy. I cant tell anyone this tho. i dont want them to think of me as bitchy. My head hurts, my legs hurt, my stomach hurts, my heart hurts, I just want it to stop. But my feelings dont seem to matter to anyone, so Ill just fucking bottle everything up until I eventually just stop trying.

This is derected at a few ppl but most of them most see this, I wanna get it off my chest

Im sorry