Jealousy is pink

t w o

"Hey," I smile looking for what to say. I mean I don't actually understand anything myself, how do I explain to someone else.
"I'm -,"
"She's just a guest." Namjoon interjects to save me. He says throwing me some clothes almost hitting me in the face. "Sorry," he mouth along with a awkward grimace.

I hold my hand up dismissing him and he shows me to his bathroom to change. I heard the kid asking why I had a suitcase as I walked out which made me feel a bit embarrassed.

It was empty by the way.

I run my fingers against the walls, delicately bumping into things. After what seemed like an endless trek of awkward silence we get to a bathroom.

I'd hate to live here and be bursting for the toilet.

"I'll wait out here, then I'll show you the way out. Do you need me to drop you off anywhere or shall I give you money to get a taxi?"
I was thinking about getting a taxi but I didn't know where I was so I just went with the idea of him dropping me off. I needed to get to Matt's house quick, see if I could change his mind though it would be useless.

I looked quite graceful as I twirled in a black dress with peachy flowers on. I look at myself in the mirror, and think that I could fit into blackpink judging by the elegance of the outfit.

"My love is on fire, wooh," I sing softly straightening out my fringe in the mirror.

A soft knock on the door makes me flinch.

On the journey back, I watch out the window. The neighbourhood was quiet, everyone minded their own business. These clothes felt foreign on my body. The felt dress was different to my oversized jumpers and the smart long jacket made me feel like I was going somewhere important.

I sigh a breath of heavy air tapping my fingers on my thighs using it like a piano. I missed my piano and don't know when I'd see it again.

I typed out the instrumental to hearts words which was a sad song that made me feel some kind of way.

"Your fingers some sort of professional dancers huh?" Namjoon laughs, his dimples showing. His face like this made him look like a cute idiot.

"You know, we're nearly there but you look hungry, wanna go eat before I leave you?"
He smiles that same smile again. Honestly if he kept doing that I'd fall for him and I really didn't want to fall for a stranger I wasn't going to see again.

"No, I'm good but thank you." I say politely looking back out the window.

"If you say so," he giggled focusing on his driving again. He was a careful driver and the heat from the heaters was blowing against my fringe ruffling it slightly.

The car stopped and parked outside a baguette shop. He said nothing as he got out the car, shutting his door behind him.

"You coming?" He nods over to the shop. I look over as a woman bumps clumsily into him but not a shred of anger showed on his face and he just smiled again with dimples. 'Oh fuck my life,' I thought and got out the car.

A short feeling of happiness displayed on his face as he sees me join him.

"Let's eat," he smiles and lets me lead the way.

By the end of the lunch, I was full not just of the food but information on Namjoon. He was rich because of his job, had a younger sister, he wanted to be a dancer but his parents wouldn't have allowed that. He still dances but only when he meets his childhood friends. He even showed me photos of him and his friends and told me he can be his "true self," around them - whatever that meant. It just made me even more sad to the fact I wasn't going to see him again.

"See you then, Hyun River." He said in a sober tone opposed to his joking one he had majority of the day as he opened the door to let me out.

"Bye Mr. Namjoon." I smiled, which quickly vanished when I stood in front of Matt's house - my landlord.

When I look back the car had disappeared.

After a long series of banging Matt opened the door. I knew he'd been trying to avoid me but I had no where to go as it was.

"Look Hyun, you not pay-," I cut him off with my hand. "No you look. I've just lost my parents and you know that. You know I've lost my job, and you're giving me a day to get out? Really, that's pathetic. I have no where to go, my piano is in there. What do you expect me to do? Live in there." My voice cracked, and I was shaking with anger.

I looked him stern in the eyes, he gulped as he wiped a bead of sweat off his brow.

"I'm sorry," was all he could say.

"Sorry?" I asked in a questioning tone scoffing. "Sorry."

"My piano," I said rudely.

"I'll look after your piano till you sort out a place. Otherwise you're on your own. It pains me to do this but I'm sorry. I can't help because I can't afford to keep you there."

I stub my toe on the mahogany table on the way out, the crisp air welcomes me again. I guess I'm going to have to get used to the cold now since I have no where to go.

After 2 hours, I collected my things from the flat. I cried and cried but none of my tears changed my situation. I was still getting kicked out.

I sighed heavily, the huff of air meaningless as it surrounds itself with other polluted air. It was now dark, probably 7 pm. I drag my black suitcase, the satisfying sound of it rolling followed me.

I reach an abandoned bench, the wood was chipped, it had initials of teenagers who were once in love engraved on it. The red ink red "pride," etched across it. Another blue ink read the message "she died here," my mind wondered whether this was a prank or whether someone happened. My mind went with the first option and sat on there anyway. The bulky tree towered over me hiding me from the moon that just stared blankly at me.

I lay out on the bench, wrapping myself like a burrito in layers of blanket that held scents and memories. I inhale them, hoping I would get sleep. It was freezing, and all I could think about was who was going to take over my house.

Then a face appeared, in the face of the moon.
"Mama?" I whispered in case someone heard me.

"River, pure as an angel being thrown out to fend for herself. You know, you've always been a fighter." I feel salty water prick the waterline of my lashes.

This all felt so real.

"Fighter?" I questioned, harshly.

"Yes my dear child. You always would fight for people's rights at school. In ever case of little injustices you were there. Making me proud. We're proud of you. You'll find a way," Mama said till her face vanished replaced by a freckled light.

This was all real. I'm really living on the streets though it doesn't feel like it. I was currently in a park, rolled out on a bench. My ears frozen from the coldness of the night, my body uncomfortably wriggled in the layers.

If only I was home, sat by the fire with my favourite book with a cup of hot chocolate sat in between my hands.

If only. If only.

"Namjoon," I whispered into the night before I was taken as a prisoner to deep slumber.

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Authors note | took me forever to update but I really need a muse :) sorry I'll try update more regularly from now though. Ily :)))))