My Father's Daughter

Twenty

I scratched at my side as I waited. This couldn't be happening! Why did everything happen to me? What did I ever do? I can't even sleep anymore. I stared in the mirror over the sink. The bags under my eyes made me look like a raccoon and my hair looked faded. I was always sore and I didn't know why. This stress is over-whelming; how do I fix this? Can I ever put my life back together?

My throat was tight like it had been for the past few days. I was constantly holding back tears, choking back the sobs that I knew would escape.

I jumped as the alarm on my phone went off. This is it. Nothing will be the same again. I looked down at the granite counter, my eyes grazing over the brown and black splotches of color. The incoherent mess of static rock. I finally stared at it. I picked it up and flipped it over in my hands.

+

My jaw dropped and I gasped for air. No. The tears that were perpetually flooding my eyes poured over and down my cheeks. No, please no!

"No. No no no, Daddy!" I screamed. I could hardly breathe as my chest tightened. "Daddy!" I cried again. He came running to the door as I cried. His socks slid on the hardwood floor and he skidded to a halt right in the doorway.

"What? What is it? Audrey! Baby what is it?" He asked when he saw me. I stumbled over to him and collapsed in his arms. I tried to speak but my vocal chords were tied in knots. He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair. "Breathe, Hun', relax. Whatever it is we can fix it, okay? I need you to listen to me. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you." He tilted my chin up and tried smiling reassuringly. "Here, let's go in here." He pulled me into his bedroom right across from the bathroom and sat me on the bed. "Darling, can you tell me why you're upset? What happened?" I tried taking a breath, forcing air into my lungs. I looked up at him and shut my eyes.

"Da-ddy, I...I-I'm pregnant!" I cried. I opened my eyes again and Vic's soft caring expression had changed to a look of horror and shock. His eyes darted down to the stick in my hand and I held it out. He slowly took it and flipped it over, looking at the tiny screen.

"Wh-What?" He asked. His eyes widened at the sight of the tiny plus sight. He looked like he might cry when he looked back up at me. "Oh my god..." He breathed out. He dropped the stick and pulled me into his arms. "Oh my god, Audrey." I sobbed into his chest as he just repeated the phrase over and over.

"Wh-What am I go-going to do!?" I choked out. Vic pulled me away a little so he could see me. I wiped away some tears as they blurred my vision.

"Audrey, we're going to fix this okay? Everything's going to be alright." Vic said, although he looked unsure. I sniffed and nodded. "Now, what do you want to do?" He asked. I tilted my head, unsure of what he meant. "It seems like you have...three options. You can keep it, and...have a child..." Vic started, making a face. He obviously found that to be unbearably disturbing and I shook my head.

"No Daddy I can't have a baby!" I sobbed. He shushed me and kissed my forehead.

"Okay, that leaves two. You could have the baby and put it up for adoption..." He added. I cringed at the thought of being pregnant. I felt like I could never get away from what I hated the most. Vic took in my reaction and nodded. "Or...you could abort." He said, biting his lip. I knew he didn't like that idea; he loved kids, considering he was constantly around them. But I didn't like any of the options. I stared at the bed comforter and thought.

"I can't have a baby." I said matter-of-factly. I looked back up at Vic and he looked thoughtful and nodded. "I just want to get rid of it. Please Daddy, I don't want it!" I leaned on him and he rubbed arm.

"Okay. Okay, I'll figure it out. I'll see what we can do." I nodded into his chest and sighed. "I'm going to get my laptop and check out our options for this, okay?" I shrugged and he kissed my forehead before getting up.

I was so upset all the time. Nothing could pull me out of this. I was so numb. I couldn't even say I was sad anymore because no matter what it seemed like it would always get worse. I couldn't feel anymore and that's what scared me. This wasn't me. I was trapped inside this body, under the skin of this being. Well, let's let me out.

I got up and looked around. I needed to feel again. Anything. Nothing. I searched around Vic's room and my eyes settled on the lamp. I unscrewed the lightbulb from the top and crushed it in my hands. Glass shards were imbedded in my palms and fingertips. I waited a moment as the visible slices turned red and blood slowly emerged at the surface of my skin. It stung and the blood escaped my flesh. Finally I thought. Finally something. I took a larger shard and held it to my wrist and dragged it across. It was thin glass and had splintered along the edges. Each little fiber ripped across my skin and got stuck in my skin. I dragged it across again and again. The blood poured down my arm and I could no longer count how many times I had done this.

I heard footsteps coming back upstairs but I didn't care. I needed this release from the moment Vic stole my blades. Didn't he know how much I needed them? Didn't he know that no matter what it might look like, those blades were what kept me alive? I could have killed myself. I should have killed myself. He should be happy I do this.

"Audrey? Shit! Nononono Audrey!" Vic cried as he rushed into his room. He threw his laptop on his bed and ran to my side. Tears were running down my face as Vic pressed his hand over the cuts. He flinched and pulled his hand away. The glass from the lightbulb had stabbed him. "Crap. Come here." Vic put an arm around my waist and guided me into the bathroom. He picked me up and sat me on the counter next to the sink. "God, Audrey, what am I going to do with you?" He sighed. I kept my arm out and Vic forced it under the running water. I gasped and yanked it back. He pulled it back and slowly ran the water over my hands and wrist to wash away the blood and glass. The entire time he had a focused but upset look on his face. Vic turned the light overhead on and started pulling out every piece of glass he could get to out of my cuts. He would sigh or shake his head every time I moved my arm away.

"Audrey, you need to let me do this." He ordered after the fifth time. I shut my eyes and dropped my head. He took my hand again. "I know it hurts, but I'm assuming that's what you were going for in the first place." I swallowed hard; he was mad at me. I cringed as he pulled out another piece of glass but tried to not move my arm. I yelped as he pulled out one last shard. "Sorry." He sighed and kissed my forehead. I was still bleeding a lot so as soon as he was finished with my wrist he rinsed it off and gently wrapped a bandage around my arm, making sure it was tight. "I'll have to change these later." Vic muttered, more to himself than me. He got the glass out of my hands and bandaged them, although they weren't bleeding as badly.

"Okay, I'm done." He said softly. I looked up at him and he examined my face for a moment. I knew my face was red and there were tears in my eyes. I didn't want him to hate me. The thought made me want to cry again. "Audrey, come here." Vic said. He held out his arms and hugged me. He pulled me off the counter and led me back to his room. "I'm sorry I was so harsh, but Audrey, you can't keep doing this to yourself. No more tears, alright? I just want to know that I'm not going to come home one day and find out you..." He didn't say it, but I knew what he meant. Find out that I had killed myself. Whether on purpose or not didn't matter. He didn't want me dead.

A/N: Wow poor girl just can't get a break huh? I just want to say thanks so much for reading and responding to this story guys! I love you all so much <3 Also I want to clarify I do not specifically advocate abortion but in a case like this I do believe it is completely justified.