brad simpson imagines

love in the dark

"Are you breaking up with me?" Brad asked, looking at you with sadness as tears started to fill his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Brad." You said, trying to hold back the tears. If you cried, you knew you'd never be able to leave him.

"But, baby... I-" he paused, trying to figure this all out. "Was it something that I did?"

The sound of the pet name made your heart sink. He was making this so hard.

"No, Brad. It's just... I don't know, it's not the same anymore. You're always on tour and we barely even have time for each other. I don't want to hold you back from your dreams. I know this is what you want to do, but I just can't take it anymore."

"What do you mean?" Brad asked as he held your hand in his.

You scoffed. "You know exactly what I mean," you paused, quickly wiping the few tears that had escaped your eyes away. "When was the last time we had an actual conversation? Or spent more than two months in a row together?" You questioned, not expecting an answer.

You knew you were right. You've been thinking about this for quite a long time now. About how everything between the two of you had changed. His band was getting more and more successful, which only made Brad be gone for longer. You tried to convince yourself you'd be able to handle this at first, but it all just got too much. You were beyond happy for him, but as selfish as it sounds, you had to think about what's best for you as well.

Noticing Brad's eyes strarted to water, you quickly said; "please don't cry," you stroked his cheek with your right hand, and he leaned his head on it. "Please don't make this harder than it already is. I can't face your breaking heart."

"It's just... I-" you could tell he was struggling trying to figure out what to say. "This doesn't seem real."

"I know, but it is." Wiping out the tears that fell off his eyes, you said. "I just can't love you in the dark." At the sight of his confused expression, you explained, "it's like all our relationship seems to do now is leave me with uncertainty, you know? Like when will I see you again, what are you thinking every moment, if you miss me as much as I do. Stuff like that." You let out a humourless laugh. "I just can't take it anymore."

"Baby, don't say that." Brad gave you a hurt look, breaking your heart.

You absolutely hated the idea of being the one who was hurting him. You swore to yourself you'd never let anyone hurt him, and realising you've become what you've promised yourself to protect him from made you feel uneasy. He didn't deserve this. But then again, neither did you. You deserved to be in a relationship that provided you certainty. You deserved to be in a relationship in where you didn't have to worry if they've found someone better than you, while you're completely clueless and miles away from them.

"I'm just doing this because it's the best for the both of us."

"Is it?" Brad suddenly snapped. "How is this the best for any of us?"

"For God's sake, Brad!" You exclaimed, snapping as well. "It feels like we're oceans apart, and I don't mean it literally. There's so much space between us. I just can't stand spending every second of every day wondering if you've found some else, someone better than me." Your voice cracked with that last sentence, making Brad's facial expression soften a little. "It feels like I don't know you that well anymore."

"Is this really what you want?" Brad whispered.

"Believe me, this is the last thing I want to do." You sighed, fighting the tears. "I just don't want to spend my life waiting for you to come back home."

"You say it as if I don't think being away from you is hard." He said harshly.

"I know you do," you sighed again. "This is why I'm doing it, this isn't healthy for any of us." You tried to reason with him.

"So that's your solution? Being away from each other is just so hard, that you decided we shouldn't be together at all? That we should be away from each other forever?" He snapped again. "How is that healthy to you?" Before you knew it, he burst into tears in front of you.

Seeing him like that broke your heart into a million pieces. You could see how vulnerable he was, and you couldn't blame him. How could you? When you were going though the exact same thing. You knew breaking up wasn't going to be easy, but as painful as it sounds, it was the best thing to do. Without thinking it twice, you wrapped your hands around his neck, trying to comfort him. He immediately wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, it was a reflex at this point. It didn't take long before you buried your face in his neck and broke down too, tears falling off your eyes nonstop as he buried his face in your hair.

"I love you," Brad said, his voice muffled because of your hair.

Crying even harder, you replied; "I love you too." Your voice was barely a whisper. "I love you so goddamn much."

"Then don't leave me," Brad said as he broke apart to look at your face, still holding you in his arms. "Stay, we'll figure this out. We'll find a way to make this work."

There was so much hope and a hint of desperation in his voice, that for a moment you even considered staying. But you knew it'd eventually destroy the both of you even more.

"I don't think that we'll be able to make this work." You whispered inches away from his lips.

"What do you mean?"

Sighing, you said. "That maybe we're already defeated."

requested by anon.
january 19th, 2018.