Memories Of Yesterday (On-Hold) (Editing)

Chapter 11: Fire Burns, a Pity *Edited

I told Kyle to try something new, but I wasn't expecting this. I knew that he would follow through, but in this way? It wasn't my plan to sit next to him while we ate dinner at night or my plan to be enjoying myself the more I talked to him. I didn't foresee any of this.

My fingers clacked away at my keyboard, my ears ignoring the multitude of calls from my mom. I was finally able to focus and write more of my novel.
_

I waited too long to tell him this. I waited until he was on top of me.

"Please, stop." I mutter, giving him a little push.

He backs off immediately. Concern appears on his face.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?"

I shake my head. "No, not at all. It's just..."

"What Tay?"

"I want to wait." I blurt out.

He looked confused, "Wait for what?"

I look down, ashamed. As quietly as I can, I tell him, "I want wait until I'm married to have sex."
_

I hear his walking cane before I see him. I count the taps. 15, 16, stop.
Stop? It usually takes him 16 cane taps to reach my room. He came every morning for breakfast and every evening for dinner.

This room was the only place to find me most of the time. I was always here and he knew it. He didn't stop this time. 17, 18, 19, 20... Then the creak of the stairs as he made his way down them.

I sat and listened until his taps ceased to be heard. You could never hear his feet, for he walked so lightly. His cane was the only thing that gave him away.

I wasn't aware of my body until I found myself next to him out on the balcony. I stood there for numerous seconds, trying to decide if I should say something.

"It's just one of those days." Kyle says. I jumped a little, not expecting him to speak.

"How did you...?"

He lets out a small chuckle, "You don't walk very quietly. I could hear your footsteps.

I smile and take a seat on the bench next to him. His smile has disappeared and his face is once again, sullen.

"What's wrong?"

Kyle explains, "It's the anniversary of the fire. The day I lost my eyesight. It's the only day of the year I intentionally allow myself to feel pity for my situation."

I didn't say anything. What was I supposed to say? I'm sorry is used for everything. I can't imagine, I will never say because I don't want to imagine. I won't imagine.

So I told him the come with me instead.

August 23, 2019, 7:18pm

I spent all day cramped up in my room, writing, ignoring calls from my mom, and trying to get a hold of Lee. I needed to get out. To do something other than this. Kyle and my grandfather went somewhere. The where part, I don't know. They left a few hours ago, shouting goodbyes at me as they walked out the door.

I peeked out the window at the gray and cloudy skies with wet grass and the small breeze and decided it was good enough. Good enough to go out in. Good enough to waste my energy and time in. Sliding on some shoes and shimmying on a jacket, I treaded downstairs and out the back door.

Zipping up, I walked into the small woods behind the house. The woods filled with monstrous, but stunning trees. The smell of nature mixing with something sweet. I didn't know necessarily where I was venturing, I just trampled on. I ran my fingers along the wet green, just now turning red leaves.

Looking further ahead I saw something shimmering, glistening, against what little light showed through the clouds. I began in that direction, but I took my time. I wanted to absorb every moment. I wanted to connect with anything.

Soon enough I found my self in front of what I spotted from afar. A lake. A beautiful, medium sized, clear blue lake. Bending down to dip my hands in the water the sun emerged from behind the clouds, setting the lake on fire. The lake instantly responded, turning several shades lighter. If I looked close enough, I swore I saw some fish.

I stayed there, bent down, completely transfixed, until the sun receded behind the clouds once more.

August 26, 2019, 3:09pm

He didn't ask any questions, he just stood up. I wrapped my arm around his and pulled him with me. Carefully guiding him, I tried to remember the way to the lake. I looked for anything and everything that would show me the way. It took me a few minutes, but I soon spotted the shiny surface that led me there in the first place.

I led him towards it, glancing at him the entire time. He wouldn't speak and his eyes were closed.

Out of nowhere he tripped. I tried to catch him but I ending up going down with him. Reacting immediately, I stood up, grabbed his arm, and tried to get him to standing upright once more. I couldn't stop saying sorry. What a pitiful word. He didn't budge.

Kyle didn't budge. Instead he gently grabbed my wrist and pulled me down with him, again. My back against his chest, he wrapped his arms around me. He wrapped his arms around me and cried. I could feel his tears on my shoulder, and the way his body shook.

Managing to wriggle myself free, despite his tight grip, I turned around and faced him. The dampness of the ground seeped through my pants. Tentatively I wiped his tears away and instinctively I wrapped my arms around his neck and applied pressure on his ears. Instantly, relief washed over his face and although a few tears still came, the sobbing stopped.

He spoke. "It's so sad. People take so much for granted, and I did that. My eyesight was something I never considered losing. I didn't think that I could. Then boom....It was gone. I hate feeling helpless. I hate that I have to ask for a description of something for me to even be able to fathom it. I hate that I can't drive. I hate that can't explore a new place without someone by my side. I hate that I can't cook for you. I hate that I can't see you." His voice cracked.

"But most of all I hate that I couldn't give you what you deserved."