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the weight off of the mattress next to me was lifted. blankets and sheets being moved as i heard his rushed footsteps to the bathroom. jack had hardly ever gotten up at night, in sake of my night terrors, or nightmares, and not wanting to leave me alone.
hearing groaning sounds exit the closed bathroom door. i could see the bathroom light shining underneath the crack that was between the floor and the door.
i'm quick to pull the comforter off of me, having to walk my way swiftly in the pitch black bedroom. my hand wraps around the doorknob.
opening the door to see him curled around the toilet. he's hugging it as if it's the only thing he has left. body frail and pale. not the man that was just fine a few hours prior.
chunks of brown reddish liquid leaking down the side of the toilet. his back hunched, as he continued to throw up everything he'd consumed into the porcelain toilet. literally, he was drained.
icily, i rubbed small circles on his back with the palm of my hand. the muscles flexing through his skin as he gagged horridly.
"baby?" i say, he gulps. i reach my over to the paper towel roll, wiping his lips that are covered in spit and sadly barf.
"hmm." he hums, i place my two fingers under his chin. being sure to stay away from his throw up breath, but i had to take care of him.
"i'm going to get you some medicine." i don't know what he'd drunk before we'd gotten in bed together. he was with johnson at the release party of their album, i had to stay back at home. my college wouldn't allow for me to miss one damn day.
"no just go back to bed, i'm fine." he says, face looking green almost.
jack gilinsky, a truly selfless person. he'd give you the shirt off his back if he could. always wanting to do everything for himself, or he didn't consider himself good enough for anyone. that's where he was wrong, he'd always been good enough for me.
"jack you're sick, i'm not going to let you stay in here like this." he grabs for my hand as i'm about to exit to go and get his medicine and water.
there's a small look of concern in his eyes, and it's upsetting for me to know that he's hurting and i can't do anything about it.
i kneel down to the floor, so that i'm even with his face. his limp body sprawled out on the floor.
"no, really i'm okay. i think my stomach was just upset. but will you come back to bed with me."
assuming his pain subsided, i help him up off of the floor.
crawling back into the sheets, he holds me tightly. lowering himself so that he'd be able to lay on my stomach. i played with the small hairs on top of his head.
he squirms and i know that somethings not right with him.
"g what's wrong with you baby?" i asked, allowing my hand to cup my hand to his cheek. knowing that something was worrying him enough to make his stomach turn on him the way that he did.
"you have to tell me, i can't just lie here knowing your in pain." i can hear tiny sniffles impart from his nose, wetness dripping onto my shirt.
tears from the strongest person i knew, i'd imagine he'd been broken and hurting for the longest. with not even a soul to understand him.
"please, h-hold me. just hold me." he removes his head from my stomach, and lays it on my chest. all i can do is pull him in closer to me and let him cry.
shedding tears from your lover is the most numbing thing that anyone could witness.
as far as i knew gilinsky never cried around me. couldn't do it anymore.
"i-i w-wanted to be ab-le to make you p-roud tonight babygirl," he sobs.
