17 | Older Men.

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Two years ago, Darnell would never have imagined being on the pursuing end of a relationship

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Two years ago, Darnell would never have imagined being on the pursuing end of a relationship. People liked him, people spoke to him, and people chased him. He had never put much thought into dating. If he liked someone, the person ten times out of ten liked him back and made the first move. However, the situation with Jared was very different. Jared seemed terrified of doing anything, so Darnell tried to urge him with flirting, and that still didn't work. At this point, Darnell couldn't tell if he was just not liked, or if Jared wasn't planning to make a move. He picked the latter because if the former was true, he might as well cry himself to sleep for a year.

Strange, he had dated people a few times and whenever he broke up with a person, he never felt too bad. They mostly remained friends, or they faded out of his life and Darnell never thought too much about them again, but just the thought of Jared leaving him, and Jared not liking him at all was enough to trigger a certain anxiousness in Darnell. He hadn't felt this way before. It was one hundred times more intense than a crush. It was one hundred times more intense than the feeling he dubbed as 'liking someone.'

He liked Jared a lot — too much, and if he didn't want both of them to go grey and die without making any progress, he would have to make the first move. He had asked Jared on a date, and now he was deep in google tabs on his phone trying to answer a string of relationship questions he had never considered asking himself before.

Darnell's eyes kept flickering to Nathalie anytime she walked passed him or walked into the living room. He needed to ask her something important, but he didn't want to sound stupid, so he was hesitant. It was Tuesday evening, and after his lectures tomorrow, Darnell would meet up with Jared for their date. His stomach kept squeezing and contracting with nerves, and he kept his hands free from sweat by dabbing them with the hand towel he had carried out of the living room with him.

It was strange — the feeling of being in love. It was his first time, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that there was no way he was Jared's, first love. Jared was a lot older than him. He must have fallen in love with someone at some point. The fact didn't hurt, it just uncovered some understanding that Darnell didn't have before. Jared was much older. He would have different expectations, and his idea of loving someone was probably a little more refined and thought through.

Darnell had tried to ask himself why he was in love with Jared. The man was sweet, caring, and overall very slow to anger and irritation. Also, to some degree, he liked that Jared was shy and made sure he was comfortable with things before initiating them. It was a nice change of pace from the people that would randomly grab his hand or wrap their hands around his shoulder. He liked that Jared asked, or at least tested the waters before doing things with him. 

Knowing all this he wondered what qualities he had that would make Jared like him. Sure, he was good-looking. Random people have a kick out of pointing that to him. When someone came up to him for his number it was because they saw him from afar and thought he was good-looking. On that night when Darnell had wandered into the gay bar and was asked to do drag, performing was also initially suggested to him because he had a pretty face and could pull off looking like a woman.

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