All that ever mattered

Chapter 1

Breakups fucking sucked,Lance decided after managing to tear a good sheet in his song journal by scratching out lyrics in an unforgiving fury. Breakups especially sucked if they happened without you knowing if it actually was a breakup.Or was it a break.Or was it just meant to be a silent understanding at the end of both parties that they just weren't compatible anymore.No one told Lance about this understanding and he wasn't going to fucking accept it. A year and 10 months ago Lance had his first kiss and went to bed thinking that 'when this war is over I'm gonna get the fucking lights kissed out of me by my emo boyfriend and it will all have been worth it'.Fast forward,things didn't go according to plan,no boyfriend's held him for months now,said boyfriend doesn't have time for even a glance to spare.Said boyfriend would rather spend an eternity with people he barely knew personally beyond the field of comradery and external family type bonds than the boy he once said he loved."Lance sweetie?",a soft call out to him and he let out a heavy breath. The tattered notebook lay open at his lap and he fiddled with the pen in his hand.He was now aware of the frown and dried tears gracing his features"Si mama?" he asked."Como estas carino?" "okay I guess" he replied not lifting his head.He couldn't really find it in himself to try.He knew if he looked to her right now her expression would be a pitiful one,eyes brimmed with pain for a child too far for her to reach out to,instead of pursed lips and stern expression biting out 'Leandro Serrano McClain face your mother when she is speaking to you'. It was the same for the rest of the family as well. He could remember overhearing a day or two ago his neice whispering to her mother that 'uncle Lance is different mama,he isn't how he used to be'. How he wanted to grab them all by the shoulders and shake them saying watching the light fade from the eyes of everyone around you,knowing that dozens and dozens take their last breaths because of you not moving or fighting,having the love of your life ignore you and practically fade away from you is very much meant to change a person.He rubbed his eyes."Mijo look what I have for you here sweetheart.Your sister managed to pull some strings and find one here,and now you can pull your own",what?He lifted his head,the frown still perched on his face before he stared at the gift in his mother's hands with wide eyes."A guitar?Mama you got me a guitar?"he slowly placed his journal to the side before rising to gingerly take the instrument from his mother's hands.His mother cupped his cheek making him lift his head up. "Si....oh...My love why do you cry?It's okay,mama's here now" she pulled him into a hug as best as she could with the guitar between them.He awkwardly moved his right hand behind her holding the instrument in the loose grip of one hand and pulled her in as firmly as he could.There was a dull sinking in his chest as much warmth as the embrace gave him and he wanted her to hold him long enough to chase it all away.A shaky sigh left the back of his throat as she pressed his head into the base of her neck.He hung from his knees to reach her height and his back ached and his feet hurt but by gods he wouldn't let her go.They held each other in silence before the clearing of a throat made him pull away just the slightest.Rachel stood by the door,leaning against it in the suave manner he was once oh so familiar with,her arms folded against her chest.Her lips were tilted in their signature smirk but her eyes glinted with a telltale softness."Marco's starting a fire outside in a couple of hours and we asked Shiro if it was okay for you to join us.I expect you to bring that thing along" her gaze travelled to his gift,the base of it touching the floor,on the brink of falling on the floor with a bang.He reluctantly pulled out of his mother's embrace and readjusted his grip. "You know I can't do that,what if they end up needing me?"Fat chance,it had been a week or more since he'd last spoken to any of the others,but if there was one thing the universe was yet to diminish,it was the blazing hope the raged on inside a McClain.Rachel rolled her eyes and walked to him,adjusting his crumpled jacket. "Listen here 'Lance',you barely move out of this room,when you do they snap and they glare or they ignore,the only people here who even give you the slightest bit of respect or time you deserve are the cadets.You're the only paladin who hasn't left the Atlas once.You deserve this,you need this,and you can afford to spend one night with all of us because we're tired of finally having you back and yet barely getting to spend more than an hour with you" she kept making adjustments to his jacket,getting rougher as her voice steadily grew firmer with each passing sentence.He didn't need to look into her eyes to know she was upset."Besides," she said,voice reaching a concluding tone,she backed up and finally looked to him,her expression etched in a tired artificial smile,oh he taught her well.
",I've been leading Spectacular twins Duet nights for way too long on my own"He pulled her into a tight embrace and breathed her in,his little sister by 3 hours,his partner in crime,they rarely hugged.Hugging was not their forté unless things got really bad.Rachel seemed to remember this judging by the way she stiffened hard in his arms before holding him back fiercely.