Little Writings

Batstar/Sunshower

Batstar couldn't stay still. When laying in his den, it felt like the walls were enclosing on him, crushing his flanks, crushing him alive, ripping the breath out of his throat. His paws wouldn't stop shaking. He couldn't stop thinking about dying, dying, dying. Batstar wasn't sure why it had affected him so much. He'd already been killed by a rogue — so why was drowning so bothersome?

He wasn't sure, but he did know that being trapped inside of DriftClan's camp wasn't helping. He felt so utterly, utterly alone, and the loneliness and grief was tearing his heart open. Batstar could hardly function. Every time he closed his eyes he saw his lost friends. Losttail, Raintail, Vixenpaw, Fallenfire, Sunshower... He felt so distant from everyone he'd once known. No one even conversed with him anymore. Sunshower had made DriftClan so lovely and fun — and now? Now, Batstar only felt a darkness eating away at his insides.

The tom gasped softly, stumbling out of his den and making his way out of camp. Swirlingocean cast him a side glance and Lionessfire looked like she was going to ask if he was alright. But Batstar didn't want to respond to anyone— he wasn't even sure if the two had said anything. So he continued moving forward through the rocky outcrops of the mountains, sun shining far above his head, blue eyes reflecting the clouds. A gentle breeze wrapped around his body and sifted through his fur. His tense muscles relaxed and he slowed down from his sprint, paws leading him through the paths, leaves fluttering around his feet and ears. Batstar twitched his tail and eventually realized he was nearing MeadowClan's border. His heart suddenly felt heavy in his chest.

The black tom loved the feeling of soft grass under his pads, but seeing so much green and light reminded him of Sunshower. He could never keep his mind off of the she-cat — whether it was missing her or worrying for her. He felt so powerless, not being able to protect her anymore, not being able to hunt with her or hang out with her or play games or have fun— everything that had once been so beautiful in his life had flickered away like a dying flame.

Batstar sat at the MeadowClan border, watching the trees sway with the wind. He sighed softly, tail flicking, taking in the scent of the hill-dwellers. The leader wondered what it was like living there, especially for Sunshower. He couldn't imagine the transition from DriftClan to MeadowClan had been an easy feat, especially for a former leader.

A smile flickered over his face for a moment. He remembered Sunstar in all of her glory— leading the Clan to such greatness, being loved by so many, making Batchaser her deputy... those had been his best memories. He only wished he and Sunstar had been able to live a long life together, raising Howlingwolf even if he wasn't the father, resting happily in DriftClan, eventually retiring to fun story-telling elders.. but that didn't happen, did it? It never was going to happen. Because she'd chosen Wolfstar — the father of her kits, a MeadowClan leader — over him. But... Batstar understood why... She loved him. He wouldn't corrupt her like Batstar would have. Howlingwolf had her real father back.

He chuckled to himself, thinking back to playing with Howlingkit in DriftClan. She seemed to have slight distaste toward him, but eventually resorted to calling him "Uncle Batty", even after moving to MeadowClan. It made his heart swell. Batstar had never had siblings or even the chance to have kits — Lynxbite had been taken from him while pregnant. Sunshower's kits had filled the empty void in his heart just a little bit. He would always protect them with his life. And he almost wondered if Wolfcall saw the potential in Howlingstar — how amazing she was, how many great things she could do. Because it seemed not many did, and Batstar cursed the world for that.

Truly, all Batstar wanted was a chance back in Sunshower's life. He wasn't sure how much longer he could survive being on his own. Of course, he thought, scowling, Wolfcall hates me. I wouldn't ever be able to be involved with Sunshower, not with him around. That thought made his claws sink into the dirt below. He truly despised Wolfcall and vice versa— it wasn't exactly a secret. The black tom didn't think the former leader was worthy of Sunshower and Howlingstar — sucking their life away with his own self-pity and disgust. Batstar wasn't sure if he would have been a much better mate for Sunshower, but knew he loved those two unconditionally, through thick and thin. Howlingstar was like his daughter in a weird sort of way. Sunshower was his best friend... perhaps not anymore since they hardly talked, but she knew him better than any other cat, and Batstar liked to think he knew her just as well. But now they were leading different lives and would forever.