This Winter

Chapter 15

"Ethan." Voice slicing through the air as I nod to him curtly. His hand is outstretched and mine are clenched tightly in my coat pocket. Swallowing my pride I bend down slightly to shake his hand.

"The Ethan Calaway, I presume?" he winks to Noah and I practically choke on air. He's entertaining my time, soaking in the attention as my jaw tightens and I nod slowly. "I've heard so much."

Noah coughs loudly from behind me, gripping my wrist and steering me from the bedroom. "See you later," he yells over his shoulder and pulling me down the stairs. My eyes look down at his hand gripping mine and I'm suddenly very intrigued by the situation.

"Have fun!" I hear a voice shout from above, followed by an obnoxious laugh.

It's not until we're in the car, heat blasting when Noah finally speaks. "Sorry about that."

I finally take a good look at him. Face slightly aged. His body has filled out slightly, not as scrawny as before. His dark coat fits him better, finally wearing his jacket instead of letting it wear him. And he looks like a man now, not a boy.

Despite the changes, his eyes still hold the same feeling. A feeling that causes a pit in my stomach when I look into his pretty eyes.

"So Stephen?"

He wrinkles his nose, "Stephen?" I nod, utterly confused when he laughs. "Stephen is not my type."

I start pulling out of the driveway, eyes focusing on the road and trying to soothe my worries. "How do you know him?"

"I met him at a club, umm.. a gay club. We've been friends for a while now. I think.. I think I see too much of myself in him to ever 'want' something with him."

"How so?"

Car driving out of the driveway and still having no idea where I'm headed as he speaks, "His upbringing is similar. I guess it had taken him some time to be himself. He's helped me learn how to be- me."

My eyes catch his briefly before returning to the road.

I feel like I still know his eyes but at the same time, maybe I don't.

Noah certainly seemed a lot more comfortable with himself in his own skin. His shoulder's weren't so hunched with the weight of shame. To see his mom so comfortable with a 'gay male' to be sleeping in the same house as her son. They're upstairs. Not a single ounce of judgement carried through her voice.

"I guess I've missed a lot," I speak softly, a mixture of regret lacing my voice.

"Yeah." And I hear it in his voice too. Regret.

Junior Year

I wasn't sure what the kiss meant still. Us sharing looks the rest of the night, attempting to hide the red hue that would rise to our faces. My heart rapidly beating in my chest. It all felt like a dream. I had have dreams of myself sharing heated moments with him, but it didn't compare to the rush I felt now.

The feeling of content when I finally claimed my seat for dessert. Smugly looking at Kurtis who had no idea that while he was inwardly laughing at my despair, I was lip-locking with his son. Trailing my lips down his neck and unleashing sounds that had never been witnessed from his pink lips before.

But it suddenly became very harder to control my eyes from wandering to his, to calm the 'sinful' thoughts that ran rampant through my mind. Knowing that Noah shared some sort of desire as I, had my self-control hanging by a thread.

We kissed. Noah kissed me. Noah isn't straight.

It felt surreal. They boy I had loved since fourth grade, had kissed me.

Does he like me? Is he gay? How long? What does this mean?

But after the heated exchange in the bathroom, that was all to suffice. The Anderson's went on their traditional family vacation, leaving me with my thoughts.

I was too afraid to call or text- his father still haunting my dreams. I imagined Noah was too, because not a single exchange occurred. And then when he returned and school started again.. nothing happened either.

An awkwardness lingered between us when we ate together at lunch. Minimal conversations about the holiday, but never daring to speak about the dinner. We avoided the mention on the kiss. Strictly talking about friendly matters, much to my dismay.

I kept thinking that it would be different when we would be alone. We would address it and.. things would...

Well I wasn't sure how I wanted things to go. I had spent all my life daydreaming about his curly hair that I had never fathomed the possibility. I was sure Noah would know what to do, I would leave him to decide everything and anything.

But when he drove me home after school, the two of us a lone. The chance for us was quickly diminished.

"See you tomorrow." His eyes not daring to reach mine, staring straight ahead and eyes creased as he refrained.

I stood with the door open, lips tight as I felt all life drain. Heart bruising from the simplicity of his words holding a deeper meaning.

Noah had decided the fate of our love. He decided to ignore it.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," I muttered. Slamming the side door and not daring to take a second look, though it broke me not to.

I just can't let y'all be happy for so long, can I?

Sorry that I only updated once last week! :( I might have to do that for a while.. at least until I can pump out a few more chapters!!

I've got exams coming up and I want to space the chapters out enough so I can pre-write some before I get busy with school and Christmas!

Hopefully I'll get some written this week and I'll have enough to go back to two updates a week!!!