My Guide To Life

Lonely

I wish I could music everywhere with me. I could drawn out everyone and enjoy what I love. I don't need no people chatting shit to me,I will only have one ear-bud out my ear to listen. Everyone in my school knows me,I'm asked several times "are you Summer?" I'll nod and that person will continue with their day,they don't care how curious I am about how they knew me,they just care about knowing its me. I met a girl in my year the other day,we had to sit next to each other is business,after loads of silence I sighed as I didn't understand my work and she asked me whats wrong. I've heard the girl was a bitch so I didn't engage so when she asked why I haven't I spoke to her before I told her the truth "I've been told your a bitch." She only smiled and said "well I'm not and I've been told your a moody aggressive emo who would kill on sight" I just scoffed and we connected. We starting talking but now I barely see her,our teacher abandoned the seating plan and the first few times she didn't sit with me it hurt but who would hang out with me on purpose? As I said everyone knows me but no one KNOWS me. My friends call my their 'best friend',I don't object but I'm no ones best friend,I don't tell anyone anything because I can't. They use it against me later on. I just feel like I'm lost,I have no best friends and everyone knows me. I'm popular in a sense but who knew being popular was so...lonely. Most days I wanna hide in a toilet and drown in my music. It's 02:11am in the morning on 17/11/18 right now and I'm writing this. Loneliness is killing me.