That Golden Butterfly {Gaster Sans X Reader}

Chapter 5

"You're a mistake."

"We can see through you, you dirty liar."

"Don't cut the 'attention seeking way', cut deeper."

"Go fucking kill yourself already."

"Nobody will ever love you."

"You're a freak, a monster."

But I refused.
I've gotten used to all of it, I've grown numb to those kinds of comments in public.
The bell rang, announcing the end of our half hour break. Everyone went inside their classrooms except for me. I couldn't take it anymore. Taking all my things, I ran out, not bothering to look back. Today was the day.. I'm done with living.

I didn't bother waiting for the bus, I just wanted to get it over with. Walking through the forest under Mt. Ebott with the sun barely peeking above the horizon, I decided on a tree far away from view and human beings. The rope I had prepared for an occasion just like this was my go to item. When I had it in my grasp I was struck with doubt and hesitation. My thoughts were screaming, I was confused and scared, my heart was pounding fast.

'Nobody cares, why would they? You've got so much to live for. Not even your father loves you. You've got friends who care about you, they would be heartbroken! I can't take the abuse anymore. You're strong, you can do this! Believe in yourself. I want to die... I want to live...'

I dug a small hole near the tree and placed the noose inside, covering it with the fallen leaves and lighting it on fire with what I had on hand. I watched it burn as my thoughts ran through my head like there was no tomorrow. The cold was slowly getting to me, so I tried to warm up with the fire I have created. I extended my arms in front of me, feeling the warmth of the fire carass my cold, broken skin. For a brief moment, just a moment, I felt dead. I needed the light... Someone who'd shine the light and made my fears dissappear. I was frozen with all of them, they had been burning in my mind and engraving themselves deep into my soul. Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me...

The fire slowly died down, leaving me in complete darkness. I finally broke down, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I hugged my knees and buries my head in them as I cried out, all those compressed feelings finally pouring out. At that moment I didn't care if anyone was to see me, I just wanted to be okay, I just wanted to feel better, I wanted to be normal again. My eyes were closed shut as I, after all these years, cried aloud. I was so used to crying silently, in fear of my father hitting me harder and making me shut up, but now I was finally alone and with no soul near me. It felt so bad, yet so good at the same time. I was a broken little girl with no idea who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. I was lost and I didn't know where to go from there.

After all the tears have dried, I felt colder, yet better. Covering the hole with dirt, I took my bag and headed for the monster base. I wasn't planning on going back to school, for it was the place that caused me so much pain and suffering. I was an adult afterall. Well, almost, but I still counted 18 as being an adult.

I didn't bother looking at the time as I walked towards the abandoned building my friends called home. After a long walk through the forest, I managed to stumble upon an abandoned part of town, where the said facility was located. The streets were dark, only a few street lamps were turned on, and even those illuminated very poor light. As I was face to face with the main entrance, I took a deep breath and hesitantly lifted up my hand to knock. My mind was yet again filled with unreasonable thoughts, making my actions seem the more difficult. I let out the air I was holding and lightly knocked. I didn't expect an answer at such a time, yet after a few minutes of waiting, I'm greeted by the one I least wanted to see, G.