Fingers Crossed (Synacky)

Chapter Two

He couldn’t tell Brian.

It’d just make him upset, and it wasn’t like that sample meant anything anyway. This tumor thing was benign, they’d just remove it so he wouldn’t have to deal with its ugliness, and then they’d be off on the tour. Problem solved. In the past.

But what if it really was cancerous?

They could remove that too, right? Chemo or something. Wait, would that mean his hair would fall out?

Zacky hit the steering wheel. “Fuck it!” he shouted, “I am fine, I am perfectly fine!”

He was fine. He was fine. What was there to worry about? Dr. Wright was probably 99% sure that he didn’t have cancer. So why was he dwelling on it?

Brian wasn’t home when he got back. Zacky was grateful for this, allowing some time for him to compose himself. He was fine. There was nothing to worry about.

He jogged down to the beach with Pinkly, Ichabod, and Majesty. And they ran. Pinkly and Ichabod trotted quickly to keep up as Majesty loped at his side. Feet crashing in the shallow water, kicking up a spray of sand, lungs heaving in the salty sea breeze. Zacky loved the ocean. He would never grow tired of it. The sun shone down on his face, the sky was a beautiful clear blue, and everything was perfect.

Because he’d been short of breath for a while. The thoughts hit him hard and out of nowhere. Because he’d had this dull pain in his chest that came and went periodically. Because he was getting weaker, and he knew it. That was why he was dwelling on it.

He’d blamed it all on age. He was getting older, and that’s what happened to older people. But he couldn’t use that as an excuse. He was 30, not 50, he wasn’t that old. He was still in his element.

Zacky collapsed to his knees, staring down at the water that pushed and pulled gently around his legs. Majesty crashed through the water to his side while Pinkly and Ichabod waited out of the shallow waves’ reach. They didn’t want their paws wet.

His hands clutched at wet sand, and he watched numbly as it seeped from his fingers. He noticed the ring on his left ring finger, and sighed softly.

“Zacky?”

Zacky looked up quickly to see Brian approaching him. Shades perched on his nose, hair styled to perfection. His v neck showed off the “rev” in his “forever” tattoo perfectly. He arched a flawless eyebrow, tilting his sunglasses down so he could look at Zacky properly. “What are you doing?”

He shrugged, looking back at the water. “I uh… I just wanted to go for a run.”

He felt Brian’s presence next to him as his fiancé knelt at his side. “You don’t look like you’re running to me.” His tone was soft. Gentle. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be okay? I’m great.” Zacky lifted his head and forced a smile. “Honest.”

Brian’s eyes searched Zacky’s face, and he murmured, “C’mere, love.” He opened up his arms and Zacky folded into them, face pressed to Brian’s chest, breathing in his scent.

“Talk to me. What is it? Did the doctor’s visit go okay?” Brian rubbed Zacky’s back, Majesty splashed them as she careened past them to chase after Ichabod.

“Yeah.” Zacky replied. “Everything’s good. I’m just… I’m just tired, that’s all.”

He pulled away to look at Brian, wishing that he was imagining the hurt look in his eyes. Zacky wasn’t a very good liar, and Brian could always tell when he wasn’t telling the truth. Always.

“Okay.” Brian stood up, gripping Zacky’s hand to pull him to his feet. “Let’s go home. I’ll uh, I’ll make something for lunch.”

Zacky smiled and kissed Brian’s cheek. “What about my surprise? I did have all my shots.”

Brian looked at Zacky quizzically. “Surprise…? Oh, yeah.” His troubled expression faded and a sly smirk snaked into its place. “There is a surprise.”

So they spent the afternoon doing naughty things and Zacky totally forgot about the appointment. It was easy to forget things when he was with Brian. His fiancé had a way with filling up his mind, pushing everything aside and leaving room for only him. And Zacky loved it. Zacky loved Brian.

They curled up on the couch together, Zacky nestled close to Brian, a blanket curled around them, and Brian chuckled, pressing his lips to Zacky’s temple, “And you said you were tired.”

Zacky blushed, “I was… you just have a way of waking me up.”

“Mm.” Brian nuzzled his face in Zacky’s hair, and Zacky could feel the smile that graced his lips. “I love you so much, Zee.”

Zacky moved to look up at Brian and kissed him softly. “I love you too, Bribri.”

He did love Brian. With all his heart. And he wanted more than anything to open his lips and spill out everything to his fiancé, all his concerns, even though they were probably over nothing. He wanted to tell Brian and have that reassurance, have Brian cuddle him and kiss him and remind him that he had nothing to worry about. But he didn’t.

Because there was that slim chance. And if he did end up having cancer, he didn’t want Brian to know. It was because Zacky loved him, that he needed to keep this to himself. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the tears, the heartbreak. No, Zacky wouldn’t put Brian through that. Or at least, he would put it off for as long as he could.

Brian’s breathing slowed and evened out. He was asleep. Zacky sighed softly, content in this moment, cuddling close to his fiancé.

He needed to get up. He needed to start packing and feed the dogs and maybe call Larry and ask if there was anything that needed to be done in the studio before the tour. But he didn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to leave Brian’s side. So with a yawn, he let his heavy eyelids close. ‘Just a quick nap.’ He thought to himself, ‘Then it’s back to business.’