Kiss me: Kill me [Complete]

22- After

"They've expelled him Alyssa," Mum's voice trails off after the word expelled. Joe's been expelled, expelled, because of me. No career, no life, all because of me. His future over, just like that, because he cares for me, and I don't even-

"I'll be honest love, I don't think you should see him anymore, when I spoke to his Mum, she said she's been tearing her hair out. He's been doing drugs, drugs of all things, and his obsessed with violent video games, so it's no wonder he- to a girl of all people- I mean what if it had been you..."

"Joe would never hurt me!" I exclaimed suddenly, I couldn't let her say that about Joe, he wasn't violent, he was- all I had.

"Lyss, I know it's hard when you think you love someone, but you have to face facts, he hit a girl, he broke her nose for Christ's sake!"

"I don't love him," I mumbled under my breath.

"Sorry love?" Mum hovered closer to me now, her face filled with concern. She looked tired, older than I remembered. I hadn't looked at her properly in years. Looked at the deep filled worry lines, the brown ages spots filtering her face, the white hairs puncturing the dark hair.

"I- don't- love- him," I said, pronouncing every word spitefully, shooting each word at her concerned face. All her worried face did was remind me that this was my fault.

"Well," she cleared her throat and dropped her gaze, refusing to look again, refusing to see. She was used to that.

I ran past her, barging her back into the door and shot down the stairs, I needed to get out, to escape.

"Alyssa!" I heard Mum call down the stairs her voice cracking. I didn't turn back, I couldn't turn back, couldn't face her, face what I am-

Swinging the door open, I shot outside, the sharp cold air cut into my chest, and I started to run. I was hurtling in any direction, my bare feet slapping the paved ground, until I suddenly stopped outside the huge apartment block. Joe's apartment block. I pressed the bell without thinking, I knew what I needed to do.

"Hello?" Joe's Mum answered, I wavered, ready to turn back, how could I face her after- No, I needed to do this.

"Rose, it's Alyssa, can I come up?"

The silence seemed to last forever, each moment rolling out in front of me, like I was watching each second on the clock tick slowly.

"Oh, Alyssa, I- um, I'm not sure that's-"

"Please Rose," I cut in, "I need to see Joe, please."

The tears welled up in my eyes and I bit my lip sharply. I can't get upset, I need to do this, I need to be strong.

She buzzed me in and I burgled up the stairs in seconds.

"Joe?"

Slowly I opened the door and stepped into his dark room. The curtains were drawn which covered the room in shadow. Joe was hunched in the corner of his room on the end of his bed, staring at a blank wall.

I edged closer, kicking his old socks and discarded clothes out of the way as I got closer.

"Joe?" I repeated as I gently tapped his shoulder, "it's Alyssa. I just wanted to see how you are."

His shoulder flinched suddenly and I dropped my hand instinctively, then the shuddering continued and I realised he was crying.

"Oh Joe," I cooed as I wrapped my arms tightly round him, my chin pressed next to his neck. That's when I realised, he wasn't crying, he was laughing. Once more I pulled away from him.

He turned and faced me, his face was glowing white in the darkness and his eyes looked like empty black sockets in the darkness.

"Joe?" I asked as the laughter stopped.

"Joe, I need to tell you something-"

"Don't bother," he spat at me, the laughter completely disappeared from his voice. There was no warmth or kindness there anymore.

"But Joe I need to-"

"She showed me." He said as he stared over my shoulder, refusing to look at me.

I stopped and stared, not knowing what to say or do, my voice shook as I finally spoke "showed you what?"

"The texts, everything."

He dropped his head and his shoulders started to shake again. This time he wasn't laughing.

I edged closer as my heart came to a standstill, I couldn't take looking at him like this, so broken, so small, he looked like a little lost boy. I pushed his chin up and forced him to look at me, our eyes locked and I saw a glimmer of hope appear and disappear from his eyes, all in one moment.

"I always knew really," he muttered as he dropped his head, "I just didn't want to admit it."

I pulled his face up one more time and held it facing me.

"You are a great man Joe," I said before kissing him gently on his lips, there was no force, no pressure, just two friends saying goodbye.

"I'll fix this Joe, I promise." I whispered into his neck as I pulled him into a huge hug, his safe arms wrapping round me once more and pulling me in.

"There's nothing for you to fix," he said, "I did it Liss, I've got my own demons to face."

We pulled apart and I looked him properly then. At his tired eyes and dull skin, at his lost little face that was thinner than I ever remembered it being.

"Go and see her," he said all of a sudden.

"What?"

"Liss, the only way I can forgive you if is this was not for nothing," he gulped then looked back up, his little cheeky grin was back, "go and get your girl."