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19

nineteen

I'M RELEASED UPON the arrival of Jonathan and Sarah Holmes. It's the evening of the same day when they arrive at the station and settle everything before I'm allowed out of my cell to go meet them. I haven't seen my own parents in a very long time and their faces are fuzzy in my head. I don't think I'm going to recognise them when I see them.

     The barrier of tears break the moment I lay eyes on my parents, sitting worriedly on the worn out couch of the station, fidgeting and exchanging glances with each other. I want to shout the words I haven't said in years to them, but my throat closes up and the only thing I can do is run towards them with tears flowing wildly down my face.

     My father spots me first; his eyes widening before he stands up abruptly just as I run into his embrace. I thought I wouldn't miss this—I was wrong. I haven't felt happier as I inhale my father's familiar scent and the feeling of his strong arms wrapping protectively around me. My mother notices me lets out a sound of surprise before she hugs me from behind.

     Instead of feeling constricted, I've never felt more freed than I am now. I am reunited with my parents, and they care about me. 

     It feels like a lifetime has passed when they finally release me from the emotional embrace. I'm crying, my mother is crying; my father's eyes are shiny with unshed tears. "Cassie . . ." Dad whispers, his hand gently holding the back of my head. "I am so sorry . . ."

     Mum sniffles before she rushes to his side to cup my face in her delicate hands, her teary eyes sweeping all over my face as if to memorise every feature she can see. She wipes the tears off my cheek and smiles a tear-stained smile at me.

     "You're safe now, Cassie. We're home."

[ •  • ]

Everything is settled the minute we reach home. Dad made several calls during the drive to a bunch of personnel, including his lawyer, the mayor, the academy's principal, and Sebastian Devon.

     Sebastian Devon is the multimillionaire that no one wants to cross with, for his has enough power in his hand that whoever displeases him will get what he thinks they deserve, and nothing good ever happens to them. The Coffee Man is just one of the many leisure shops he's opened to make investments, on top of the millions of dollars he's already making with his empire and from politics.

     It's obvious even Dad is scared of him when he made the call. Sebastian Devon's voice is rough, and filled with the condescending tone that displays proudly his sense of superiority over everyone else. We all thought it will be hard to convince him to call off the engagement, but he agreed easily without a second thought.

     "Oh, sure, John!" he said easily through the car's speakers. "I trust that your company can get up on its own feet without my company's funding?"

     "Thanks, Sebastian," my Dad replied as politely as he could, and it hurt me a little that my father had to bend onto his knees for another man. "But I don't think I'm going to continue the business anymore."

     That called for a sharp look from me, but Mum nodded along to his words as if she already knew about it.

     "Oh?" Sebastian offered the same curiosity as I felt in his tone. "Are you sure?"

     "Yes," he confirmed. "I feel like my and wife and I had been spending too much time on running the company and ignored our family." He glanced at me through the rear view mirror, and I felt a pinch in my heart. "Surely you understand how it feels to be separated from your children, Sebastian?"

     Sebastian let out a hearty laugh that sounded like nails against a chalkboard. "Oh, that I do, John." There was a moment of awkward silence where even I held my breath to prevent making any sound to break it. "Well," he finally said, "then I wish you good luck in your future endeavours, my dear friend. And if you need any more help, I'll be more than willing to be of assistance."

     "Of course. Thank you, my friend. I will call you up with an update soon."

     The amount of tension was terrifying, and it remained in the car well after the call ended.

     But as I step onto the driveway, all the pressure is suddenly lifted off my shoulders. I watch Mum and Dad get out of the car—I have to clench my jaw and prevent myself from screaming because I'm just so overwhelmed by the sight of my parents in our house. My family. Together. I haven't felt this way in years, and the feeling is wonderful. After feeling empty for so many years, I now can have a taste of being whole.

     After unlocking the front door and entering the house, I spend about a minute just staring at Mum and Dad waltzing around the house and talking to each other. It seems like they have never left me for years; it feels normal, like they are meant to be here and they have been.

     "Dad," I call out, to which he immediately stops whatever he's doing to look at me.

     "Yes, sweetheart?"

     No one has ever called me sweetheart in such a long time, and that simple nickname has caused me to nearly cry again.

     "About work, what are you going to do now?" I ask, my voice growing higher in pitch as I try not to cry.

     He pretends not to notice my struggle. "That I'm not sure, honey," he answers. "I'm ready to sell the company to Sebastian, because if I don't do that, we'll never get out alive."

     I shrug. The Devon family has a reputation — not necessarily a good one.

     "But what's next?"

     Dad pauses and glances at Mum. "We haven't decided yet," he finally says. "Do you have any suggestions?"

     I think a tear escaped my hold and rolls down my cheek.

     "I want to move away from this place."

[ •  • ]

There's only one day left of my life in Marshall Academy tomorrow, and one last appointment with Dr Franklin, my shrink. I don't know about the future, but I don't think I will regret ever making this decision.

     I didn't let Mum and Dad tell me where our new home was going to be – I want a brand new start at a new place where I can forget all my past and start living a life I deserve to live – and owe to myself.

     I'm now sitting in my room, staring at the blank, colourless walls. I always complained about my life being empty and lost, but the truth is, I've been shutting out everything but the depression and anxiety. I allowed them to consume me and rob me of the happiness I deserved.

     But not anymore. I have my parents now, and they love me. It will be hard, but I will try to make new friends when I'm there. Probably a new shrink to cure my illness, too.

     My life seems bright from this point of view now, and I'd be a fool to ever let that disappear.

• • •

first publication: November 13th, 2018

I'm going to uni tomorrow and I've never felt more anxious

For now I'll just chill on the bench and bombard myself with Queen