My Idol

thirty six

You stepped off the porch, opening your maps app, and searching for the train station, finding it easily and tapping the directions button. Then you started walking, turning when it told you to.

You don't know how long it took, but you got there. You were pretty early, but it was fine, you waited.

You finally boarded your train, riding to the airport in a trance. The lady next to you asked if you were okay and you simply nodded. You really weren't.

Once at the airport, you got your boarding pass, then immediately put your phone in airplane mode. You noticed you had a msg, but you didn't click on it.

You waited for your flight to board, and once you were in your seat, you fastened your seatbelt and closed your eyes. You didn't move, except to use the restroom once. Other than that, you slept for the entire flight.

It was almost 5 in the afternoon in NY when you landed, and you hailed a taxi, and gave him Donna's address. You sat silently on the ride to her house. When the car pulled up in front of her house, she came out the door, taking your shoulder bag from you and giving you a hug.

You immediately asked to use the bathroom, and she told you where it was. Once in the bathroom, you took your phone out of your pocket, and took it out of airplane mode. All your msgs came thru.

You took a deep breath, thinking maybe you should just delete them. But you couldn't make yourself do it. So you clicked to open them.

'Taehyung: I can't wait till today is over so I can come home and hold you. I love you. Tae 😘'

You wrinkled your face up, determined not to cry.

'Taehyung: Y/n, is everything okay? You never replied to my earlier text. 😕 Tae'

'Taehyung: I'm on my way home, namjoon let me leave early! 😆 Tae'

'Taehyung: I can't wait to get there. I've missed you all day. 🤪 Tae'

'Taehyung: Please reply, I'm getting really worried. Tae'

'Taehyung: Y/n, I hope you're okay. My heart is pounding with worry. I don't know why you aren't replying. Tae'

You sat there, with your hand over your mouth, trying to silence the sobs that shook your body. What had you done? He had been so excited to be coming home early. You didn't want to think about what it may have done to him to come home and find that you were gone. You hated that you had caused him pain.

There was a small knock on the door. "Y/n? Are you okay?" You couldn't answer, all you could do was cry. "I'm coming in."

The door opened, and Donna came in. She took one look at you, and put her arms around you, hugging you. She finally coaxed you up, and got you out of the bathroom, and into the guest room. She sat with you on the edge of the bed, and waited until you stopped crying enough to talk.

You explained everything to her, from when you'd met Taehyung to why you left, and then you showed her the texts.

She read them, then looked at you sadly. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Maybe you should call him."

You shook your head, your fist pressed to your lips. "I can't" you whispered. "He probably hates me."

"It doesn't look to me like he hates you. I'm thinking he's probably devastated. But I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Love doesn't go away in an instant, just because we're hurting."

You closed your eyes. You couldn't call him. You couldn't, because you wouldn't be able to handle the hurt in his voice. "I can't Donna, not yet."

"It's not going to get any easier later."

You knew she was right. Did you really plan to just avoid him forever?

"How bout we go have a cup of coffee, and you can think about it?

You nodded, and followed her to the kitchen. You sat at the table as she made coffee, feeling lost, when your phone dinged. She glanced up at you, as you picked up your phone, hands shaking.

You taped on the message, and it popped open.

'Taehyung: Why? Just please tell me why. I love you. I told you that I would choose you, and I'm so sorry I left you alone when you were upset. I should have chosen you. I do choose you. Nothing means anything without you. Please come back. Please, I need you. Tae