"I won't let you fall, Ophelia. Ever. I will catch you. Always." He said, as I stared into his ocean blue eyes.
"But what if you can't? What if the fall is inevitable?"
And I knew I was going to fall. A fall so hard that maybe I would never recover...
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It took time.
It took time for me to get over the tears.
It took time for me to get over the pain.
It took time for me to realize that I just opened the Pandora's Box.
I opened the chapter again. Once again everything came back to me. And it's not the slow pace but like a full speed truck, the pain hit me again. It's been years but I never really forgot about it. It was always buried deep down.....and the incident was enough to give rebirth to it.
And he heard it.
Stellan heard the end of it. But lords what is it only the beginning. I knew I had to finish what I started. I could do that. I had gone over those memories so many times, that it's not really new for me to refresh the wounds and bandage them again.
But did he deserve it?
Did he deserve knowing that he had been caring for me all along, a person who killed her own father? Or did he deserve knowing that I wasn't just Ophelia Hale? I had been Lilith long since. I had been her all along.
But somewhere in my mind, I knew he deserved knowing everything. Every bit of it. I trusted him to keep it all to himself. To listen till the end of it. And I knew I would tell him anyways....sooner or later.
And the I have ripped the bandage so often enough, that it really doesn't matter any more. I have learnt to live with it. And I have learnt to get over it time and again, and keep up with my normal facade. Keep up with life.
And when the wounds are open already, let's put the pressure right away.
For Stellan would listen to it all but he was the judge of his own and whatever would happen after all this....I had no idea. He might be the same or he might be disgusted.
It won't be new again then. I have seen enough faces my whole life to remind me that I wasn't supposed to live.
But here I am, breathing and surviving. And while I searched for any reason to not let this happen, to not tell him the truth....I couldn't find any.
I had to tell him. It was as simple as that.
With just a few minutes gone by with me shivering within my own self on the bench, I said nothing. Neither did he. He was quiet as the night. Serenely quiet.
The bench was long enough and we could easily share. But the guy was giving me space. Not that he was leaving me, probably thinking what I would do if I was left alone....something reckless, something too far. But I was over that stage.
Finally being able to pull myself back together, I wiped away a few fresh tears and some old ones. With hesitancy still lacing my body, I patted the spot next to me. I pleaded him to sit...with the desperation clear in my eyes and although he told me he couldn't read me, I knew he could now. It was all crystal clear in my brown orbs. I was vulnerable. And I had no fear accepting it.
