red hair and a blue hoodie // ed sheeran

Chapter 56 - Phone Calls and Admitting Secrets

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It had been almost four months since I had much as seen Zo’s face, heard her voice or felt her touch.

I was going insane.

In those four months I had completely annihilated all my social contacts and alienated myself from the outside world. I hadn’t called or texted Stuart or anyone in management and I hadn’t even bothered sparing a minute thinking about Harry or Niall or any of those boys.

My apartment was a mess and was strewn with papers filled with word upon word in the form of letters and songs.

My common sense had gone out of control and I was doing things that I had trained myself out of.

My drinking habits had come back as was obvious with the un-countable bottles lying forgotten around my apartment floor.

I had been stumbling to the bed to the fridge to the couch and to the bed again in an endless cycle for about three weeks now and I didn’t even care. I was perched on the couch with another brown bottle in my hands, my nails tapping the sides, sending an eerie clinking noise through out the uncontrolled apartment.

The sun was falling through the window behind the broken television, illuminating all the dust particles that were floating around the room. My brain was fuzzy and I couldn’t focus on certain noises. I didn’t know what time it was and I couldn’t really focus on what was going on around me. There was a mixture of car horns and a ringing that wouldn’t stop. Wait, ringing?

I realized my phone was vibrating in my pocket and after letting the light grip on my bottle fall, sending the bottle clattering to the timber flooring, I reached into my jean pocket and fished out the phone. The screen presented me with a fuzzy picture of Sierra. With a deep and shaky breath I pressed the green ‘accept’ button on the phone and held it up to my ear.

“Hey Sierra,” I breathed out. 

“You are the biggest asshole I have ever met.”

I was so taken aback that I sat up in my chair, my eyebrows furrowing on my forehead. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me Sheeran.”

“Sierra… It’s too early for this shit.”

After a short pause he responded, “its three o’clock in the afternoon.”

“Well would you look at that,” I laughed.

“You’re drunk aren’t you?” He sighed, sounding absolutely finished with me.

“Why would you say that?”

“You so fucking are. Fuck Sheeran!”

“…I’d prefer not to but if you insist.”

“Fuck! This is the reason I called! You are a complete fuck up! This is why Zo left! You fuck up every thing that you touch like vermin.”

That statement sobered me up quite a bit. “Whoa, whoa Sierra I think that’s taking things a bit too far-”

“No; see that’s the thing! Its not ‘too far’ because its gotten to the point where you’ve fucked up so bad that you aren’t just ruining your own life but other peoples!”

“I’m not asking for people to care about me, love,” I spat sarcastically. 

“Well that’s just too fucking bad isn’t it?  it really pisses me off that you fucked up so bad and ruined Zo’s life.”

“I didn’t fuck up her life-

“Shut the fuck up yes you did. You might be denying it on the surface but deep down you know that you are the cause of her anguish and constant mopey state of mind.”