The Silent Fate

Battle for feelings

"Come on Vik,don't you care anymore". Came the message from Joy. I felt I should not have met her. I hesitated to reply, my hands were shaky, my eyes seducing me to sleep. I was so tired, I was worn out. A man can fight but cannot always finish the battle. I never knew what to reply. Another beep came, "Can I call you?" Oh my what would I say! 'Let it be'. I dialled her number, came the reply from the other end "Sorry you have insufficient funds to make this call".Had I just not bought credit earlier? Oh no! I had asked for an advance airtime, hardly had I given up than she called. My battery was battling the last bit of its energy. I picked up the phone and stammered.

"He..he...helloo... Sorry I never had airtime to reply to your text". To be honest I had nothing; battery low, airtime, courage and the exact answer to the text would make excuses too vague and unrealistic. "Hello too,its ok dear, sorry for waking you up. I just thought I should tell you how happy I was to meet you today, I really hope that you calmed down. I felt I hurt you much with my plans to travel...." The mention of travel switched off my mind, I could hardly concentrate on anything she was saying anymore. My easiest job was to reply "mmh...mmh".

"So I told my parents you will accompany me to the airport". A deep shock came. "Par...dooo..nn". I was in distress, in a mixed up flame. Firstly, during our first date she never told me she had accepted my proposal, even if she had I never accepted the fact that she is travelling. Even if she is travelling, am I supposed to take her to the airport with the family, wait a minute how did she tell her parents about me and what would be the reaction. "Sorry, I cant, it would be too late for me and as a matter of fact my parents will barely accept". I excused myself, as a Luhya man I couldn't bare the pain of waving at her as she disappeared into thick clouds with no hope of her return. Shedding tears was a taboo, its just my first relationship, why am I crying? Is this the heartbreak I heard from my elder brother,Sam. 'No, not you Vik, don't do it'. My instincts hugged me, I had to embrace back.

She was dissapointed, she hunged up. Oh no! My phone went off. It was a relief but then I thought I should talk to her one more second. What am I doing as a man, will I let myself be drowned by my ego, no way. Get up Vik, show her the last respect of goodbye. I turned on the lights, stared at the ceiling not knowing what to do. Tomorrow is Sunday, I never attended the choir practise, my parents would be dissapointed if I dont step on the altar to sing. The love poison was slowly killing me. I had no medicine, I was deep into the thick forest of feelings with no way out.

"Waky waky you lazy bone!". Mum called,that was her way of adressing me any time I overslept. After few morning usual chores, I dressed up for the Holy day. Joy was on my mind, I could hardly get her off now that she hijacked my first feeling for a lady. Mum called "Hey,Vik grab your dad's bag meet us in the church we are late". "Ok dear" I replied, Oh my! That's mum not Joy! Was I to live like this? I can hardly concentrate, church is a representation of my devotion to God. Joy wants to overtake the throne bestowed in me since childhood. I hate myself for this trap. The day grew darker and cold. I can't even tell what my dad preached, as long as he was sweating at the altar he must have said something tangible that would uplift the congregation. Am used to it! The day ended, I had to keep it holy and calm. Evening came,I knew Joy would call. I was certain by 9pm she would even text to say hi. Shockingly, she never did. I felt I must have stabbed her heart and its bleeding to death, I need to rescue the patient. I called three times to no reply, I wrote an apology message but she didn't bother to reply, maybe she wasn't around, but at this time of the night? Maybe she was asleep, no way she called me yesterday close to midnight. I could hardly think beyond. I had to embrace my pillow and slumber.Tomorrow is another day.

Monday came, oh yes! This is the day, the day that Joy is leaving, not only the country but my life as well. This is the end of a new start. A forty eight hour relationship was worth for me, I don't know what awaits me in the future but for now its Joy, education and Vik. I wish I was able to meet her at the airport but I have never been there, am used to motorbikes and reckless buses to town. For the first time, I wished I had told her am coming to the airport in the company of my 'in laws'. Minutes turned into hours, its now midday Joy hasn't called, texted nor even given me a signal of her presence or does it mean that she is absent. Did she leave just like that? Oh boy, sorry but Joy left. The sun was fast losing its light, it was now like a glow, a big burning red ball as it descends down the mountain. I gave up, she will never call, she left for a better life. We are two different worlds that can never be united. Its now half past seven. Supper is ready, early sleep after a boring day with hopes fading away into the whirlwind.

It was clocking 9pm when we heard car hooting at the gate. "It must be the church chairman with salary" my dad was too hasty with response, I calmed thinking I would jump up with excitement because the car hoot just sounded like Joy's father car. I rushed to security lights and beeped through the curtains. I could not believe that it was actually Joy standing infront of one of the headlights, smiling at me as if she knew I would smile back through the curtains. I opened the door, ran to hug her now that it was open there was something in between us for the first time. "Please hurry dad is waiting" she said. I never wanted to complain about my unanswered calls and ignored texts, I am a gentleman. As I turned back, my mum was standing arms a kimbo with dad in disbelief as if they had seen a devil conversing with angel Gabriel. "I will explain later" was my short reply to save time. Missing her flight I was cautious would be my fault. "Please put on warm clothes" dad said as a sign of concern,of course I knew I was suppossed to, only that I never knew the impact of the statement.

After just a minute, I was ready to see the plane for the first time, let alone knowing the way to the airport as the city had a million bypasses and roundabouts. So today the son of a peasant would go to the airport with a private car, an expensive car in that matter. Few words passed between us as we made our way, I was short of words. I was happy and contended that she is Joy and not any other lady. I was sad that she leaving, I can't say beyond I am deep in heartbreak. The airport came into view, a fleet of different planes each with its own pride of wings and logos on their tail. I smiled, not because I had Joy besides me but the beauty of this planes, come on, who would never smile on such a beautiful serene. So this is how it is, I mean the airport. Wow! So many people, young and old all would converge at one entry for a check-in after which everyone would go to their plane and fly! As simple as giving out a fifty shilling note to our conductors with no balance given back.

"What time is your flight" I broke the silence. "Two hours from now" she hurriedly replied after a glimpse of her watch as if she was not the one travelling. "I will miss you" I whispered as I got out of the car to grab her suitcase as we headed to the entry point. After afew minutes with her parents, she grabbed my hand pulled me aside, removed her phone gave it to me, with some cash tied in it. "You know I care, I will call text you when I get to London, don't switch off the phone. I left my photos incase you miss me look at them and smile". She said. "Of course I will miss you" I replied with a heavy heart, "and thank you for the phone I can't be much happier than this". The smile she gave me was a sign of a weak heart, she wanted to cry but i grabbed her hands tight and she hesitated, she reached to my cheeks and kissed me, then there came the lip kiss. She was never ashamed of anything. I couldn't deny my trouser the adventure it had at the front. I felt a sharpened pencil piercing out, I quickly moved back trying to calm the pending storm.

"When will I see you again" I asked with alot of concern. She quickly replied "Everyday". I laughed not knowing the exact meaning. I am not that civilised to grab things at a go. "Please come you are getting late" Daddy called, she responded respectfully and made way. As she grabbed her suitcase to the entry point. She said "Please dad take Vik back home. I will miss you so much". I thought the last statement was mine until I heard "I will miss you more my daughter" from mum.

She left, Joy has finally left. The plane would soon leave. I felt emptiness in my heart, the whole body grew weak,my feet stumbled back to 'our car'. We waited for almost an hour before the big engine roared to the sky, the thick clouds that covered the dark night made it even worse that the mood would change. Four years was a long time,Yes a man can wait, but four years that's not patience its perseverance. I felt like rapture had Joy from me, I was left to fight my battle to make sure that by four years things would never be the same.

We drove home silently, everyone in their different mood. Joy is gone. What next...