High Tide《Under These Waters I Drown》

Four: Watch My Face, As I Pretend to Feel No Pain

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The song playing on the Jukebox is "Rockin' With the Rhythm of the Rain" by The Judds.

_________________

~.~
"Lightning strike
Inside my chest to keep me up at night.
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain."
~.~

-John Mayer,
"Heartbreak Warfare"
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Why are there crickets in the city? She thinks absentmindedly, laying on her bed curled up, listening to the sounds of the city coming in from the open window.

The sheer white curtains were floating in the room with every small gust of air coming through; the full moon outside makes them glow with a luminescence she didn't know five-dollar curtains could have.

She's lying here wondering why things had to change, wondering why Washington had to go up in smoke, why her family even left Japan in the first place, but most of all, she was wondering why someone like Stiles Stilinski exists.

He'd offered her a ride, not expecting her to accept, but he was hopeful nonetheless. How can he be so forward? Ash thinks to herself, agonizing over the awkward ride, I can't even ask someone to be my friend.

He was everything she had dreamed about when she was fifteen and heartbroken over her first boyfriend, Michael Bash. Smart, funny, nerdy, awkward, understanding, and, most of all, kind. And I haven't even scratched the surface of his personality yet.

—But, he came too late, or rather she did.

If we had met at another time, in another world, I think we could've been epic. Ash muses quietly in her mind, a barely-there whisper of a thought. Her chest feels numb and tight, and so does her heart.

It's odd, after Michael, she's never thought much about boys in general, not beyond the scattered daydream. But, there's something about this stranger helping her, made her feel less alone.

Just for a moment, she felt warm, like she was actually living instead of just surviving.

It was an addicting feeling truthfully. He didn't want anything from her either, only time to figure out why someone would move to Beacon County.

He stayed with her, even when Ash told him he could leave. He stayed and made her laugh, and then she made him laugh. They talked, and she felt so normal, like a girl on a date or hanging out with her friend.

"I don't love him," she whispers to herself quietly, like a confession, "but I could," and in a way that meant everything to her.

This is how stalkers are made; she thinks to herself sardonically.

Ash has so little left of anything that she has half a mind to just cling to this little nugget of happiness that had found her when she needed it most.

But I won't.

Ash was like a tragedy in motion; the aftermath of a train-wreck already happened.

It wasn't fair to Stiles to expect him to make her happy, not when she wasn't willing to be happy by herself, and especially when she wasn't even sure he thought of her that way or if he was emotionally available.

Ash was too much of a coward to ask.

It wasn't fair.

She slowly became aware of cold wetness slipping down her cheeks.