It all started with a hug ✔️

19 | Thoughts

I want the perfect boyfriend. He should be kind and friendly. He should care about me. He should see when I'm sad, I don't have to tell him. He should be friends with my brother and respect my father and mother. He should give me a cute nickname and call me cute names.

He should send me good morning and night texts. He should tell me that he 'loves me' and he cares for me. He should hug me from behind and when we say goodbye he should hold me in his arms and unwilling to let go. He should surprise me, not with presents, but by visiting me or so.

We should play PlayStation. I should win him and he should get mad, but fake mad. We should cuddle and watch movies together till three in the morning. He should give me kisses on the cheek and in my forehead. We should go for long walks in the fields and hold hands. We should go fishing, so that he can learn me. And then we should swim in the river. He should teach me football and when he does he should throw me over his shoulder. He should tickle me. We should cook together. We should playfully fight.

He should give me his hoodie to wear and his hat, that smells like him. He should let me sleep on his chest. He should play with my hair. I should make boards when he plays football with his name on the board. "Number twelve on the field but number one in my heart"He should give me piggyback rides.

He shouldn't be shy about me. He should tell everyone I'm his girlfriend. He should motivate me. We should dance and tell jokes. We should be ourselves with each other.

I know we don't get those relationships. There will be fights. We will be mad at each other. We will do wrong things. No relationship is perfect. No one is perfect, but maybe together we can be perfect. We can conquer the world together.

I've never had a boyfriend. Never! I didn't ever had a valentine even. I won't say I'm that ugly. I have a little bit of fat and cellulite, but I'm not ugly. I have some pimples, but it's not acne. I have freckles, but I think it is kind of cute.

— — —

What if I never get a boyfriend? What if I end up alone with seven cats? What if I don't succeed? What if I fail? What if I live in a small apartment?

I'm so scared of what could happen in the future. It stresses me so out! Sometimes I worry about what could happen tomorrow. Or what will happen after I made this choice.

Then I should remind myself that God said that he planned our lives. Then I stop worrying and just trust Him.

— — —

I think about River and everything he said to me. How he flirted with me. How he suddenly stopped when he found out I'm actually Chloe. Am I ugly to him? Does he wish he didn't know me? Is he ashame of me? I don't think he like me in any way.

I think about how embarrassing it was to fall in front of a group hot guys. How my cheeks got red. How they always get red around someone that I like. I wonder if River noticed it.

Why don't I had a boyfriend yet? Why am I still single? Is it my laugh? Ps: I have kind of an ugly laugh, but it's actually sometimes cute and really funny. Did I something wrong?

Okay, well I only liked one guy or maybe two guys. It's was only Liam that I liked for eight months. And then River that I liked since grade six.

The thought of River brings back all the memories. The way he held my hand when we prayed, like he never wants to let go and me neither. The way he greets me with that beautiful and charming smile of his. The thought that we never ever gave a hug. His brother even gave me a hug, but he didn't. The memories of us playing Wii. We always fought who would be player one. We didn't fought, if you know what I mean. On 'GoVacation' where are clothes on the game would both be blue and our ATV's or Cars would be blue. Everything would be blue. We both liked blue. The times that we would swim the whole day long. That time we would talk on BBM when we were like eleven. The fact that we TALKED! Unlike now, we don't talk anymore. Everything has changed so much and it makes me so so sad, because I care so much for him and I have so many feelings for him that he doesn't even know. And I won't ever be able to tell him. I have this dream to just go out with him. I want to kiss and hug him. I want to be his forever. I want to marry him and I now I sound insane because I'm only fifteen, but you don't know how much I like him. I want to be the wife of a great football player, because I know I would support him in everything he does. He would have my full support. If he gets hurt while playing football, I would look after him. I would care for him, till he gets better. I would go punch the asshole who punched him on the field. I would make him breakfast every morning. We will watch series after series together. We will have this big house, where the family could come over and stay at our house and we could celebrate Christmas and New Years. 
I just wish I had the guts to tell him how I feel. The guts to talk to him. Even the guts to just smile at him, but I don't and I'm so disappointed about that.

I guess somethings just stays dreams...

Hey everyone!!💙

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I really try to write faster so that I can publish a lot of chapters because it took me long enough.

Go Vacation👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

Sorry about that💝

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