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// Three //

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I needed to scream, but I couldn't push sounds out of my throat. I drew in short, empty breaths as panic pulsed through my veins. I wanted to slam my fists into the walls and shatter them. Black spots danced at the edges of my vision.

I needed oxygen.

"He looks like he's going to explode," Jen said to Clara before turning back to me. "Aaron, hey, calm down. It's going to be okay. It's not a death sentence."

"Oh right, right." I let out a hysterical laugh. "I forgot, you all live forever, don't you?"

"That's false," Jen said. "Whether or not it prolongs lifespan is debated, but vampirism certainly doesn't make you immortal."

"What about mirrors?" I pushed my hands back through my hair and paced. "Am I going to stop being able to see myself in those?" My eyes shot back to Clara and Jen. "Will I have to sleep in a coffin? How about garlic? Will I die if I get too close to an Italian restaurant? Can I turn into a bat?"

"Stop being ridiculous and calm the fuck down!" Jen snapped. Her hands twitched, and she balled them into tight fists as she clenched her jaw. She probably wanted to slap me in the face.

I probably needed it.

"Hey, maybe some fresh air would help," Clara suggested.

I exhaled a few times and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Fine, fine." I nodded. "Fresh air."

Clara led me out to the balcony and closed the door gently behind us. I leaned over the railing and stared out at the city below. Icy rain pelted down from the pitch-black sky, slamming against the roof overhang. It rushed off the corners in streams and plummeted four stories to the sidewalk below where it formed tiny rivers in the cobblestones.

I was so angry, I felt acid rising up my throat. I breathed in a few heavy, frozen breaths in an attempt to keep myself from throwing up. I'd been so stupid. How had I thought there was a way to reverse this? I'd just been lying to myself the whole time, trying to convince myself that I hadn't ruined my entire life.

"I'm sorry," Clara finally broke the silence. She stood next to me, looking down over the edge of the ornate, black railing.

"It's not your fault." I ground my teeth together, and my gums pulsed with a dull but oddly soothing pain. "I'm sorry for freaking out."

"It's understandable. It's a lot to take in." She paused for a second, and I listened to the drum of the rain. "I know Jen is a bit abrasive, but she's right, you know. This isn't the end of your life. It makes things different, and it's a lot to adapt to, but you can still lead a pretty normal life."

I bit my lower lip and nodded. Other than the rain and the occasional distant wail of a siren, the night was silent. At nearly four in the morning, the streets were empty. In the dark cover of night, Edinburgh slept.

A chilling wind howled across the balcony. Clara squinted against the cold and pushed her long hair back behind her ears.

"How long have you been one?" I asked.

"Fifteen years. I was about your age when I turned."

I nodded. My eyes stung as hot tears burned behind them, and I turned and looked away so Clara wouldn't see.

I never should have been so stupid. What was I thinking having a one-night stand with a stranger? I hadn't been thinking, that was it. I'd been too drunk for thinking.

If only Henry and Chris hadn't insisted on going out that night. I should have just said no. They weren't even my friends, just coworkers. If they hadn't dragged me to that club, everything would be different now.

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