Cimorelli Saved Me (Book 1)

Chapter 27

"I keep reliving watching Meg die over and over again. I hate myself for not realizing how close to the edge she was because maybe I could've helped her. I miss Jake and my friends I didn't get to see when I was there. I hate my past and how it still haunts me!" she spills and starts to cry harder.

"I'm so sorry Belle," I say softly, "But I don't ever, ever want you to blame yourself for her death. It is not your fault!!"

She looks at me with pain in her eyes. I can tell she wants to convince herself of my words but it'll be tough. I also wonder about her past. She's never spoken much of it.

"There's one other thing that's really pathetic of me," she speaks quietly.

"No matter what, you aren't pathetic. But what is it?" Kath asks.

"I miss my mom like crazy. All I want is a hug from her even though she never hugged me. I want to be a part of my family."

I truly can't imagine having a mom that doesn't care. Growing up, I've always had my parents and siblings to lean on. However, Bella got the short end of the stick.

"It's okay to miss her," I say, "But if she were here, despite how we all wish it isn't true, she'd only hurt you more. Besides, you do have a loving caring family right here. And I promise you that I will always be here for you."

"I promise too," Kath says.

Bella bursts into tears then and I hold out my arms, she grabs on and I hold her tight. Her body shakes as she lets out the tears she didn't want to show. I realize I'm crying as well and see Katherine is too. This isn't easy for any of us.

She pulls away from me and looks at Kath and I. She takes a deep breath.

Quiet as a mouse she whispers, "I was gonna cut myself again tonight, but now I won't. Thank you."

My heart races but I also am relieved. I shoot Katherine a thankful glance because if it weren't for her telling me, things would be much worse. I'm glad we chose to talk to her.

"I am so so glad you won't. And you don't have to thank us. We're your big sisters, we're always going to help you and try to protect you," Kath says. Bella hugs her tight.

"Things are really hard right now aren't they?" I ask. She nods.

"I wish I could make things instantly better baby girl. You know I would if I could. But anytime and I mean anytime, you feel scared or alone or sad or anything at all, you talk to Katherine or I. We will get you through this!"

"Thank you Chrissy. I love you both," she tells us.

"I love you too," Kath and I chorus.

"Now as for helping you sleep I have an idea," I say.

"What is it?" Bella asks.

"What if we were to move the bunk beds together so that Katherine's and my bed would be side by side and you could be in between us. The rules will be that any time you're awake, one of us has to be too," I explain.

"So if I were to wake up in the middle of the night, I'd have to wake one of you up?" she asks and I nod, "You sure you two are up for it?"

Katherine and I both say yes.

"Well okay, maybe it'll work," Bella says.

"I sure hope so," I tell her.

Bella grabs both Kath and I and we have a little group hug. She seems to be feeling a little better. I look up and see that the sun is starting to set. Wow, I really lost track of time. Tonight I don't care too much about that though, Bella is way more important.

"Let's watch the sunset," Katherine says taking notice of the sky as well. Bella lays her head on my lap, looking up at the sky and I lay my head on Kath's shoulder. She lays her head on top of mine.

We watch as the sky goes from blue to pink and purple to orange and red and finally to darkness. The three of us then get up and walk back home. Once in the door we realize everyone's either in their rooms or sleeping. We creep upstairs and see Amy reading in her bed.

"Where were you guys?" she asks.

"Went for a long walk at the beach," Katherine responds and Amy doesn't question it.

"I was wondering if you would mind if we pushed the bunks together," I ask and I'm met with a quizzical look from her, "Bella's been having a large difficulty sleeping and we want to see if her sleeping next to us helps."

"Whatever helps," Amy says and offers Bella a smile. She gets down and the 4 of us move the bunks together as quietly as possible. Kath and I interlap the blankets and add an extra pillow. Amy goes back up to her bed and rolls over to sleep.

Kath grabs pajamas and heads to the bathroom to put them on. Bella and I go to grab ours.

"Shit!" she mutters and I spin around to look at her.

"We don't swear in this house!" I exclaim but then see what she's looking at. Pulling it off the hanger, she must've snagged her pajama shirt and ripped a hole in it.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"It's alright, at least you didn't say it on purpose. Here, borrow one of mine," I tell her and she takes it. After Kath emerges from the bathroom, I go in then after me goes Bella.

"Turn out the light already," Amy complains.

"Sorry!" Kath says and turns it out. She gets into her bed and I let Bella crawl into mine and she shifts to the middle so I can get in too.

"Remember the rules," I say and I can see her nod.

"Got it," she says then yawns. I hear deep breathing but not from her, instead it's Katherine. I don't blame her though, she's had late nights talking to Bella.

I grab Bella's hand and she squeezes mine. It takes a while but slowly I see her body relax and sleep consume her. I hope it lasts longer than just a few hours. I don't let go of her hand as I fall asleep.

-Several hours later-

I'm woken up by someone gently shaking my shoulder and whispering my name. I have no idea what time it is and why somebody wants me in the middle of the night. Then I remember Bella and the rules and my eyes instantly open.

Bella keeps whispering my name with wide eyes, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She's hugging her knees.

"What happened baby girl?" I ask, wrapping my arms around her.

"Nightmare," she whispers.

"Tell me what happened."

She shakes and cries a little bit more as she remembers. "I watched Meg die again but then I turned around and my old friends from years back were there and they kept chanting that it should've been me that died. My-my mom was behind them and she said it too. Then she took a knife out of her pocket. That's when I woke up," she tells me, now silently crying hard into my shoulder.

I hold her tight and imagine how scary that would be.

"Shh, it was just a nightmare. You definitely do not deserve to die, babygirl and I would never let anyone, not your mom or anyone else hurt you like that."

She clings onto me but is silent.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask.

"I'm such a burden, to you and to Kath especially," she whispers, "And all I ever seem to do is make things harder for the people I love and care about."

She then lowers her voice to the point where it's barely audible but I still here, "Everyone would be better off if I was dead."

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Wow, so honestly I had no idea that I was gonna end the chapter like that but that's what I wrote so that is how it goes. Just letting my mind wander and take the story wherever it wants. Hope you like it!(:

~Courtney