Dream // David Dobrik

{Didn't Write Back}

I wrote a letter for you but you didn't write back,
I wrote a song for you but you didn't like that,
I wrote a letter for you but you didn't write back,
I wrote a song for you, probably didn't listen at all,
I wanna take my life just to give it to you.

David's POV

Natalie and I got some Taco Bell to go and drove back to the house. We were sitting in my living room eating and chatting. I was a little high so the food tasted amazing. I was happier now that the drugs were taking up most of my thinking space. But at the same time Ava was stuck in my head. I'm going to the party tonight, I don't think she'll be there considering she's not going with me anymore. I couldn't stand seeing her and not being able to love her.
"This is sooo good." I laughed taking another bite of my food.
Natalie laughed at me.
"What?" I asked with a false smile.
"You okay?" Natalie asked
I looked at her blankly before I spoke.
"Not really no." I said honestly.
"So what's your plan? Just leave her behind and flash a fake smile if anyone asks about her?" Natalie asked
"Yup." I said honestly.
"Are you planning on moving on?"
I laughed at her question.
"There is no way in hell I'll be able to move on." I said
"So what's your plan stupid?" She giggled
"Well. I'm gonna work on myself for a few months. And I wanna become a better guy for me and for her. Eventually I want a serious thing with her but right now her and I both need time to get away from each other and learn about ourselves." I explained
"Why didn't you just tell her that instead of completely disappearing?" Natalie asked
"Because I'm a dumbass who has never liked someone like I like Ava and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I want. I'm either  going to work on myself and then get her back or I'm gonna work on myself and she's gonna move on and I'm gonna be stuck waiting for another dude to break her heart and I'll save her or something. Or she's gonna find a better guy before I fix myself and move on forever. And then I'm gonna die." I ranted, rubbing my face with my hands out of stress and sadness.
"Hey, I know you're hurting right now bu-" I cut Natalie off
"No you don't know because you don't have to look in the mirror all the time and hope the hickeys on your neck fade away sooner because your sick of thinking about her every time you see yourself!" I raised my voice
"I was just trying to help." Natalie said getting up and going to her room.
"No no, Natalie..." I said standing up off the couch trying to stop her.
She shut her door quickly.
"I'm sorry!" I yelled from the other side of the door.
I sighed and went into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my eyes went to my neck. I grazed my finger on the hickey she left me.
"Oh my god." I mumbled to myself.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unblocked everyone's numbers, instagrams, and snapchats. I wanted to fix this. I just can't see her anymore.
I'd better start getting ready for this party. So I did. I threw on a shirt that was a little nicer than just a plain black t-shirt, but nothing too fancy. I kept on the same skin tight black jeans that I was comfortable in. I sprayed cologne sparingly on my clothes. I looked in the mirror again, this time running my fingers through my hair, trying to make it look a little neater. I just looked at myself for a second. I pondered why I left her in the first place. Well, it was the same reason I left her all the other times. I couldn't love her as much as she loved me. Yes, I was in love with her. And yes I love her more than I've ever loved anyone, but she has always loved me more. I'm not capable of loving her as much as she loves me. So I kept leaving. And I kept coming back because I know that nothing is going to be better than her. But ever single time I came back, I couldn't stay. I'm not ready for a relationship. I need to work on the person that I am. There is no doubt in my mind the Ava is the one I want to be with forever. But right now, I am too stressed. I'm not happy. I'm not content. I need to have love for myself in order to have someone else love me too. But this is going to take time. And I don't know if Ava is willing to wait. I would never make her do something that she didn't want to do. I'm just not ready for a relationship.
Natalie came out of her room. I followed her to my living room.
"I'm sorry I yell at you sometimes." I managed to spit out.
"It's okay you dork." Natalie laughed
She managed to get a smile out of me.
"I'm sick of making other people sad just cause I am." I said plopping down on the couch, Natalie sitting next to me.
"Don't be sad." She said
I laughed at her statement because not being sad seemed so impossible.
"When's the party?" She asked.
"I'm leaving in a couple minutes. Wanna come?" I said with a yawn, picking up my camera so I didn't forget to bring it.
"Sure." She shrugged.
We slouched on the couch for a bit before we got in the car and headed to the party.