Flower Child

Chapter Thirty Five

We enter his apartment and he closes the door behind us.
"Do you want any water?" he asks.
I shake my head, walking into the small kitchen, "No, I'm ok."
I'm not, and he knows that. His fingers wrap around my arm and he turns me around.
"Hey," he whispers, searching my eyes, "what's wrong?"
I look up at him, leaning against the counter, "I'm fine, Tobias."
He shakes his head, "no you're not, what's wrong?"
I sigh, looking down between us at the floor. He lifts his fingers to my chin and tilts my head back up. When I'm looking into his eyes again, he locks his lips onto mine in a slow kiss.
   "What's wrong?" he whispers against my lips.
   I slowly pull back, looking into his eyes. I reach my hand up and cradle his cheek in it. He leans his head into my palm and his eyes close. I trail my fingers along his cheekbone and over his eyelids.
   "You were in my sim today," I whisper.
   His eyes flutter open, his lashes tickling the tips of my fingers, "You're scared of me?"
I shake my head, letting my hand fall down to my side again, "No, not like that. You were in the second and third fear. The second one was the glass box, usually, my friends and family are faced away from me, but this time, I had to watch the light leave their eyes, leave your eyes."
Tears burn my eyes again and Tobias cradles my face in his hands.
"And the third one?" he asks, his voice low.
"It was the one where someone tries to force me to shoot my loved ones," I whisper, "you were there, sitting next to Celeste. You told me it was all right, that I could do it, I had my gun pointed at your head but I couldn't do it, Tobias, I couldn't. I turned the gun on myself and pulled the trigger."
The tears fall down my cheeks, "I couldn't do it."
Tobias leans forward and kisses the space between my brows, the streams of tears on my cheeks, the tip of my nose, and then finally my lips. The kiss is gentle, short and sweet.
"I understand," he whispers, "I understand, Mor. You're ok, you're ok now."
I take a deep, steadying breath and nod, "I know, I'm sorry."
He shakes his head, "Don't apologize, the fear landscape is traumatic, it's ok to be upset."
I look up at him, a small smile on my lips, "Thank you. Thank you, for everything."
He smiles and wipes away the tears, "There is nothing to thank."
   His hand trails down my arm and his fingers wrap around my wrist, bringing it up so that my tattoo faces upward.
   "What about this fear?" he asks, his thumb trailing over the word, "How did it go today?"
   I stare at the tattoo, "Better than usual, but, but it still hurt, a lot."
   He nods, "Understandable."
   "When- when I went through Lauren's fear of her father's death, it changed my own," I whisper, "he disappeared and I laid down on the bed, I could smell him, like he was actually there."
   Tobias brings my wrist to his lips and gently kisses the center of the tattoo. A shiver, the good kind, racks through me. He smiles against my skin, knowing the affect he has on me.
   "Tobias?" I whisper.
   He hums, guiding my hand to rest on his chest.
   I take a tiny step towards him, my hand moving up and behind his neck where I know his tattoo peaks up over his shirt, "I've shown you my tattoos, when will I get to see yours?"
   He smirks, his eyes dancing with mischief, "Are you asking me to take my shirt off, Mor?"
   I smile, my lip between my teeth, "Are you going to do it?"
   His smirk turns into a grin, "how could I say no to you?"
   He reaches up to unzip his jacket and I move my hands away so he can. I have to fight to keep my hands at my side, keep them from pushing his jacket off his shoulders myself. His eyes raise to my own and his grin falls, a sudden, strange look sitting on his features.
   I watch him, my eyes completely rested on his eyes, on his brows that furrow, as he reaches up to grip the hem of his shirt. He lifts it up and pulls the fabric off completely.
   His right side is engulfed in dark Dauntless flames but the front of him is bare of any tattoos. His eyes fall to the ground and my brows furrow.
   "Hey? What's wrong?" I ask.
   He looks uncomfortable, like he'd rather climb a Farris Wheel than be trapped beneath my gaze.
   "I don't usually invite many people to look at me," he says, "Anyone really."
   I smile sweetly, "I bet most of the girls in Dauntless don't enjoy that, I mean, look at you."
   He smiles and I step around him, turning so I can see the tattoo that had taunted me from the moment I got here. His back is covered in ink, more so than not. Each faction's symbol is drawn on his spine. Dauntless's flames and Abnegation's helping hands, larger than the rest, Candor's scales, Erudite's eye, and Amity's tree, in that order. Why does he have all the factions? I understand Dauntless, his faction, and even Abnegation, his home faction, but the other three?
   My hand moves on its own, resting on the Amity symbol. Tobias tenses for a moment before he relaxes.
   "I think we've made a mistake in the factions," he says, "We've started to put down the qualities of other factions while bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and honest, and kind." He clears his throat. "I'm still working on the kindness part."
"I think you're doing just fine," I whisper.
My fingers trail up his spine to the Abnegation symbol.
"We have to warn them," I say.
"I know," he says, "We will, soon."
He turns around and I fight to keep my eyes on his. Tobias is definitely built to perfection, and I'm afraid that if I get to close I'll lose myself.
"Are you scared of me?" He asks, able to see my thoughts on my face.
I shake my head, "No, never. I'm scared of myself, of what I want. I've never done this before. Amity is far from prudish and relationships should come easy to me, but I've never been with someone, ever. You were my first kiss, you know. I just-"
Tobias smiling as I ramble on and on. He takes my hands in his and places them on his toned stomach, causing me to take in a shuttering breath. My hands travel the muscles up to his chest, his shoulders, his neck.
"We don't have to move to quickly," he whispers, "I understand how you feel. I've never been with anyone either."
His hands leave mine and grab at my waist. He pulls me into him and I lay my head on his chest. His heart beats against my cheek just as fast as my own.
"Are you scared of me, Tobias?" I ask.
"Terrified," he whispers.
I smile, turning my head to kiss the spot over his heart, feeling it flutter against my lips. I kiss upwards to the base of his neck and I continue up to his jaw.
He turns his head to capture my lips. The kiss is the familiar warmth that warms every part of my body. We kiss his arms around my waist and mine around his neck, my fingers gripping at his short hair. We fit together like a puzzle, and I never want to let go, not when I could have this forever.
"I'm still mad at you for beating my record," he whispers against my lips.
I laugh breathlessly, "Don't worry, Three isn't as good as a nickname as Four."
He chuckles and captures my lips again.