Flower Child

Chapter Twenty Two

It's hard to breathe. I have to remind myself, in, out, in, out.
"You're ok," Four says lowly, "it's just a simulation."
I know that, but it doesn't replace the fact that in my sleep last night I could hear the heart monitor. Or that when I woke up this morning and saw my white pillow I almost ripped it to pieces.
So I nod, it's just a simulation. And I close my eyes.

It's dark, completely unlike my last fear. I cannot see anything, but I can feel how cold it is. A single blue light shines down on me and then more join it. I can see my surroundings now, I'm in the training room and in front of me is a row of eight people on their knees facing away from me. They all wear white clothes. I step forward, my hand outstretched in front of me. It is met by cool glass.
I'm surrounded by glass, a box. I reach up to see if I can push the top off, it doesn't budge. Something moves in the corner of my eye, a man in all black clothes walks up to the person on the far left. His face is blurred but something tells me I know him.
Suddenly my feet grow cold and I look down, water is at the bottom of the box and is rising quickly. My heart races and my breathing grows eradic.
I look back at the man and he lifts a gun towards the persons head and pulls the trigger. They fall backwards and her hair sprawls out around her, Tris. I scream, the water is up to my shins. He moves onto the next person and doesn't hesitate to pull the trigger. Uriah falls on his back and stares lifelessly at me. A sob rips through me, the water is past my knees.
The gun goes off again and Marlene falls next to Uriah. I plead for the person to stop, the water is at my thighs. Next is Lynn, she falls to her side and her hand seems to reach for me. Another scream leaps from my lips, the water is at my hips.
He moves on slower this time, as if he's dragging out my torture. The water rises past my waist in that time.
He shoots and the person falls back. Celeste.
"No," I scream, "no, no, no!"
The man shakes his head as if he's disappointed in me. He shoots the next person.
"Taylor," I sob.
My brother lays lifelessly next to my best friend and they stare at me, their eyes telling me that I failed them, that it's my fault. I start to float in the water now, I don't have much time, I need to get out somehow but I'm paralyzed by my sorrow.
The man points the gun at the next person and shoots. This sends agony through me like I've never felt before.
"Mama," I sob, "mama, no!"
The water is almost at the top of the tank, I have to tilt my head back to keep my mouth and nose above the water. I take a deep breath before I'm completely submerged.
The man is already pointing the gun at the last person, he was waiting for me to see this. How could it get any worse, he killed my friends, my family.
He pulls the trigger. Four falls to the ground, his eyes, so blue and vibrant are now vacant.
I scream again, letting out all the air that might have kept me alive. I scream and I scream and I scream as I stare into his lifeless eyes. The water seems to tremble as I do, the glass cracks. I look down the line of my friends and I scream again. The glass shatters.
I sit up quickly in the chair, taking in a deep breath to make sure I wasn't still in the water. Tears stream down my face and I reach up and wipe them away. Four stands to my right but he doesn't help me like last time, he just stares at me.
"What," I snap, trying to breathe, in, out.
"How did you do that?"
"What are you talking about?"
"How did you break the glass?"
"I don't know," I answer.
I swing my legs off the chair and Four offers a hand to help me. I don't take it.
He instead grabs my arm as I steady myself and leads my out of the room, almost dragging me. We walk into the hallway and I rip my arm out of his grip. He stares at me, he's not going to say anything without me prompting him to do so.
"What's going on," I demand.
"You're Divergent," he states.
I freeze. How did he know, what did I do wrong. Did I say something?
"What?"
"Don't play dumb with me," he snaps, "I suspected it the last time but now you've proven it. You were able to manipulate the simulation; you're Divergent. I'll delete the footage and unless you want to end up dead I suggest you hide it during the simulations! Now, if you'll excuse me."
He turns on his heal and stalks back into the testing room and slams the door behind him.
I don't even know how I broke the glass, how I manipulated the simulation, but I guess it is a sign of Divergence. How does Four know that, and why is he going to cover for me.
My legs feel weak beneath me so I lower myself to the ground and sit with my back against the wall. It's quiet in this hall and dark. Without anything to distract me, my mind falls back into the hallucination.
This fear is easier to pick apart than my last one. I'm afraid of not being able to protect my friends and family. To be helpless while they are being hurt. Each persons' cold dead eyes flash before my own. The blue ones at the end lingering. That's a face I wasn't expecting to be in that line, I don't let myself think to hard about why it was.
   That fear is one that I knew I had long before I came here. In school, I used to get in fights all the time, which always ended with the peace room because I was in Amity. Usually the fights would stem from someone making fun of my brother or Celeste and I would go ballistic on the person. Sometimes I would even stand up for a person I'd never even talked to. I remember one time specifically there was an Abnegation boy who got pushed down the stairs and I had jumped on the Erudite who did it, a few Dauntless kids had to pull me off the kid.
The glass box and the water are a little harder to figure out. I think the box was basically just holding me back, making me helpless to save my friends, but I don't understand why I was slowly being drowned. It's not like I'm scared of drowning, or that I'm scared to die. It doesn't make any sense to me. Not at all.