Girl awake

the beginning of the end

'DEATH IS A COMPLICATED PROCESS. YOU JUST CAN'T THINK OF DYING AND END YOUR LIFE. EVEN CLICKING
THE TRIGGER AT THE LAST MOMENT REQUIRES THE COURAGE THAT A PERSON WHO IS THINKING OF DYING
PROBABLY DOES NOT HAVE.'

I'm sitting at the ledge again, looking out for the dogs and cats that don't let me
sleep . They are not around today . I look at my left corner and see the Blake's house, their youngest daughter is eating her dinner while all others are lost. The
kids in their phones and Mr and Mrs Blake in each other's worries . I've heard
their kids talk to mum sometimes and they always call their house 'house ' .

 
 I wonder where their home is and if it's as beautiful as their house.

Looking up , I see all the stars and i can't recognize any constellation or anything
like that . They all just look mindlessly scattered to me .

 People just have the concept of constellations to sooth their minds up cause we are humans , we require some kind of co ordination , rule or statement for every independent
thing.

 Mum is calling me down and I just hear her shouts for a moment thinking
about how she would have handled the situation if I was deaf . I wear my shoes
which I hanged from the ledge by the laces and enter my room again .

My mind inspects the place of every item as I look around for a split second . The
pink rumpled handkerchief kept at the bedside is still there and all the 7 books of
Hemingway are present at the same distance from my specs . I don't use them much but I like keeping them cause they are mine and nobody else can use them.

I remove my shoes again inside and wear some sloppy flip flops and go down .
Mum is setting the table when I reach down . She has already kept a glass of
water on the table for me . I drink a glass of water first then eat anything . Moving
to the other side of the room , I go and light the candle. A strawberry scented one
. There is an addition to the collection , a peach scented one which is half orange
and half yellowish in colour.

Throwing the burnt matchstick into the dustbin nearby, I go for the glass of water
and drink it as I sit down , scooping up some pasta on my plate I start eating . I
see a piece of pasta cut in half and it irritates me so I put it back. Mum picks it up and puts it on her plate wordlessly . We both eat, not in a comfortable silence but
one that we both are used to .

"Did you do your homework?", She is shifting a piece of green pepper from one
part of her dish to the other side just to look interested in this setting .

"Yes" , I pick my phone from the table which signals to her the end of our talk .

She nods at me once and then waits for father to enter the room so that she can serve him and go on to complete all other work . He arrived like after 10 minutes
with a paper in his hand that he keeps on the end of the dining table and
proceeds on to eat the food which mum had already set for him.

He acknowledges my presence on the table and as soon as he starts eating again, I
leave the place.

I go up in my room and change into a pair of shorts and crop top for the night. I
always think about posting some pictures of myself in an attire like this and
destroying everything but I never do it .

I spend the next thirty minutes of the night scrolling through the feeds of people
whose names I've just heard from the mouths of other people either in the tone
of disgust or drama. People are posting pictures of a locker covered in flowers
because someone did this to impress someone else . My eyes roam over the
picture once and I see all the flowers. Some are hibiscus , some are dried up
sunflowers , red roses and in the middle of all, is a black rose. I imagine it
burning , with pure dark red flame and the sight of it is magical , even enchanting
to my heavy soul . I'm pretty sure the someone would have accepted the other
someone if this happened.

I close my laptop and gaze at the Fiji water bottle that is kept on my bedside
table . I can hear the clear water inside screaming, asking me to get them out , to
free them from the boundaries of the bottle and so I get up and throw the bottle
outside the window.

I wait for a second there,not looking outside but just hearing the sound of the
bottle hitting the earth and bursting up . Then I pick up my blanket , drink water
from the tap and sleep thinking about all the other bottles kept in the fridge
downstairs.

Hi readers,
I know maybe this book will be a surprise for all the people who have read the true bond but it is what it is . I'm trying to write in different styles and have even started writing another story in script writing format . 

I hope you all read the introduction first as it will give you an insight to the story and what it is .

Enjoy reading!  Don't forget to give suggestions . I'm still very bad at writing .