Love Cannot Save You (Published Version)

Five

Caroline didn't know how much longer she could lay in her unmade bed, staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought. Downstairs, her family was eating what was sure to be an unbearably awkward dinner, but she had chosen not to join them, as she wasn't at all hungry. The thought of food made her stomach turn, and for the life of her she couldn't figure out why.

For the past week she had been able to think of nothing but Jim. She'd tried to focus on her studies, but found that she couldn't pay attention. She'd tried to distract herself by reading, but couldn't seem to absorb anything on the pages. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, her thoughts always seemed to return to him.

The gleam in his eyes when he got into something mischievous, or when she said something that intrigued him, the way he tilted his head when she spoke, as though she were the most interesting person on the planet, his gorgeous features and his rich, soothing voice...everything about him made her stomach do somersaults. How could she think about food when she kept replaying the day they'd spent together over and over in her mind?

A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Come in!" she called, not moving from her position on the bed.

Unsurprisingly, it was Phil who entered, a concerned expression on his face as he gently closed the door behind him.

"You weren't at dinner," he said, taking a seat beside her.

"I know," she replied.

"You haven't been at dinner for the past few nights," he pushed.

"I'm not hungry," she said, simply.

"Are you sick?" Phil asked. "Do I need to tell Mom to call a doctor?"

"Unless the doctor specializes in obsessive thoughts," said Caroline, "there's really no point."

At that, a knowing expression passed over her brother's face. He seemed to understand Caroline's words even better than she did.

"Oh," he said. "This is about Jim, isn't it?"

Caroline huffed.

Of course it's about Jim, she thought. He's all I've been thinking about lately.

"Yeah," she replied, instead. "It is."

Phil looked unsure, as though he were trying to decide exactly how to phrase his response. Whatever it was he had to say, Caroline was eager to know, if there was even the slightest hope that it would ease the constant jittery feeling that had recently become her companion.

"It's okay, Caroline," he finally spoke. "This is normal. You like him, that's all. And while I'm sure I could think of dozens of other guys who would be much better for you, I can't control how you feel. And if you like him as much as it seems like you do, just let things take their course. Don't overthink it."

Caroline thought that this was much easier said than done. How could she not overthink things when in her mind, Jim was so far out of her league? She wanted to be enough for him, she needed to be enough for him; but could she? That question, it seemed, remained to be answered.

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A few days later, Caroline found herself at Jim's house, alone with him in his basement. Unsure of what to do or say, she began examining the artwork that decorated the walls, as she always did whenever there was an awkward silence. The drawings were so fascinating and well done, and she found something different in them every time she took them in. As she looked, she noticed that there were a few new additions, and quickly glanced at them before turning to face Jim.