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Chapter 23

CALM

THE

FUCK

DOWN

NO

BUY HER FUCKING ROSES OR SOMETHING

ROSES ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE I AIN'T BUYING THAT SHIT

THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

JUST GET HER ALONE AND THEN KISS HER IDK

BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD MY FIRST KISS YET WHAT IF I DO IT WRONG

ha i haven't had my first kiss either forever alone high-five

*forever alone high-five*

BUT SERIOUSLY JUST ASK HER OUT RIGHT NOW

I'M IN PE AND WEARING AN UGLY UNIFORM I CAN'T ASK HER OUT LIKE THIS

DO IT

DO IT NOWWWWWW

*sings "now" by paramore*

I CAN'T ASK HER OUT NOW

DO ITTTTTTTT

I DON'T WANT TO

YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

MAYBE I WON'T

I gasped to myself. I didn't mean to send that. I was nervous and anxious and feeling utterly confused. I don't want Calum to get the wrong idea. I don't want to give myself the wrong idea. I like Rylee, and that was final.

Maybe I don't like Rylee as much as I'm convinced I do, I thought to myself.

I shook my head. Shut up, Luke! You like her!

MAYBE YOU WILL

Much to my relief, Calum was still arguing with me.

I STILL DON'T WANT TO ASK HER OUT RIGHT NOW

DO YOU WANT HER TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR NOT, LUCAS?!

I DO!

THEN FUCKING ASK HER OUT, DOUCHEDICK!

I STILL DON'T WANNA

She's going to slip away from you, Luke.

Then maybe she isn't the one.

Do you really like her?

I do.

Do you love her?

I don't know.

I can't give you advice, Luke. You either do it, or you don't.

I let out a sigh, and I put my phone in my sweater pocket. I got up from the asphalt floor, and I started to walk. I knew exactly where I was going. I already saw them there. Ashton, James, Francesca, and Rylee. I was heading straight for them.

"Hey, Luke!" Ashton said. He automatically brought me into the group, and I stood there awkwardly smiling.

No one really seemed to acknowledge my presence, but I made eye contact with Rylee. I gave her a smile. She smiled back.

I didn't ask her out.

✘✘✘

5/5/14

Dear Calum,

We leave next week.

I don't know what I'd do without you call. Ever since I got you back, we've been talking practically every day. How will I ever go a week without contacting you?

I'll miss you too much, Calum.

My parents won't let me take my iPhone. Since it's a camp, I was hoping they'll have the slightest bit of connection so I can use 3G and talk to you, but they won't let me take it. They gave me the bullshit excuse that I'm better off not using my phone. They don't trust me. They KNOW they don't trust me, I know they don't trust me, YET THEY DECIDE TO FUCKING LIE TO ME.

I hate it. I hate them.

This letter went from sad to angry. I'm sorry.

Forever Yours,

Luke

✘✘✘

A week flew by before I knew it. I was waiting in front of the school at 7 am with my suitcase beside me. Liz and Andrew didn't even let me take my fucking iPod. What they didn't know is that I'm really fidgety, and listening to music helped calm me down. My legs were pouncing and my palms were sweaty. I flicked my head every once in a while because I felt like someone was watching me. I felt sick.

Liz helped me by getting my sleeping bag, and Elliot Tate just so happened to walk by.

"Luke, buddy!" Elliot called. I gave him a fake smile, just in front of Liz.

He stopped right next to me, and he flashed Liz a smile. "Hey, Mrs. Hemmings!"

"Hello," Liz said with a smile.

Elliot gasped beside me, and he started to run off. "Michael! Hey, Michael!" he called.

Liz looked at me. "Who is that kid? I've never heard about him."

"You don't need to know about him," I said through clenched teeth.

"He seems nice."

"He really isn't," I muttered.

"You've never mentioned him," Liz continued. "What's his name?"

"You really don't need to know," I told her.

Liz frowned, but she handed me my suitcase. She moved so that she was standing on the curb with me, and she held me tight.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered. I didn't believe her. She'll be happy that I'm gone.

Liz pulled me down so that she could kiss my forehead. She took one last glance at me, and then she got into her car. Liz started the engine and rolled down the window.

"Have a great trip! I love you!"

I gave her a fake smile and waved. Liz rolled up the window and started making her way to work. I watched as her silver van drove further and further away from my school.

I was alone, and I the only thing I felt was the need to throw up.