Play Me That Song

12

Hours later, as the sun starts to dip behind the trees, I still haven't heard from Emma or Beau. I picked up my phone countless times today to call them, but I always stop myself at the last minute. Call me proud, but I don't want to be the one to give in first, especially since I still don't think I did anything wrong. I feel bad for being so caught up in my own heartache that I didn't realize Emma's pain in being abandoned by her friend. She's mad at Beau, and she doesn't approve of how we conduct our relationship; I understand that now. However, that doesn't mean she can take it out on me and throw around crazy accusations like that.

As mad as I am at Emma, that pales in comparison to how mad I am at Beau. He made such a good point of not putting the fight off until later so it wouldn't build up that I had high hopes for a civilized conversation. But who was I kidding? I can't even remember the last time we were able to stay civilized while having a conversation involving Tyler. That still doesn't excuse the low blows and blatant distrust. Even thinking about it now gets me aggravated.

To be honest, though, I am maddest at myself. I have done a pretty good job of protecting myself lately. I should have remained distant. I never should have replied to his text. I never should have let him back into my life...or my bed. As I think about this for the what feels like the hundredth time since he walked out, I sigh heavily.

I stroll into the kitchen for a bottle of water. After dancing my frustrations out in the living room for the past couple of hours, I am parched. My legs and core are already feeling that familiar tightness that means I will be sore in the morning, but it will be worth it since I feel better mentally. I drink the entire bottle in one long gulp. Wiping my mouth, I hold the bottle under the nozzle on the front of the freezer to refill it.

My phone, which I had left on the counter earlier, dings. I glance in its direction. I can't make out the notification from this distance but decide not to check it anyways. I don't really feel like talking to anyone anyways. I watch the screen dim as I drain the bottle for a second time. Once empty again, I toss the bottle into the recycling bin. I try not to think about what notification that could have been as I trudge my way back to my room. As much as I wish I don't, I hope it's from Beau. But I'm still not ready to talk to him.

I strip off my clothes and throw them into the hamper on my way to the shower. I stand under the shower head for a few minutes, just appreciating the way the water hits my aching muscles. I still can't wrap my head around how Beau would drive down here in the middle of the night to right things with us only to walk out hours later. Maybe it really was all about getting laid. Just the thought of Beau using me like that makes me tear up. I blink rapidly to clear my now blurry vision. I wipe furiously at the tear that escaped. I can't fall into this trap. As mad as I am at him, I know he could never do that to me.

I ponder where I stand now with Beau for my entire shower, but by the time I towel off I still have no answers. I can no longer deny that I want to be with him. If the intense longing for him while we were apart wasn't proof enough, then the way that I fell right into his arms when he showed up last night sure was. Not to mention the way that I am starting to really miss already despite being mad at him. I suddenly feel incredibly guilty as that realization sets in. I completely ghosted him for over a week, and I can't handle the same treatment for even a couple hours.

I step into my closet and grab the first thing my hands touch. Since I am just planning on crawling into bed and pulling the blankets up until I block out the world, it doesn't really matter what I wear. Stepping from my closet to my bedroom, I immediately notice the unmade bed. I trudge over to pick up the stray pillow that had been knocked to the floor earlier. I try not to remember any more of what happened here earlier to twist the sheets up so much as I work to straighten everything.