Notes in a Notepad

TWENTY

Do you remember when . . .
...we first met? We were so nervous and I had no clue what to expect
...we went fishing for the first time and as you walked to the other side of the lake, about halfway through a bird pooped on your hand. You yelled "a bird just pooped on my hand!" And we both burst out laughing as you commented on how gross and warm it was.
...we were over at the side yard at my grandmothers playing with water balloons. I picked up a bucket of water and splashed you right in the face with it. You proceeded to grab your own bucket and chased me down the road and splashed me back.
...we dated for the first time and said "Sad Song by We The Kings" is our song ..
...every time I left to go back home we'd text "I miss you" the minute I left town.
...we'd FaceTime for hours and hours while I did my hair or work on homework and we'd talk and talk and talk
...you texted me late at night as I was heading to bed that you had lost a friend. . I called you right away and stayed up with you until you felt better. You were crying and apologised but I didn't mind cause all I wanted was for you to be okay.
...we hadn't talked for a while; we were both busy with life going on. And when I had came down for a visit you texted me "Hey come outside" and a second later "nevermind I'll go in" you knocked on the door and we weren't expecting company. I had just reached my phone, when the door opened, you appeared and I was taken back. I looked at you and half smiled. I was excited to see you but I had no clue what to say. You looked at me and asked to talk to me alone. I looked to my mom and grandmother pleading for their help; my grandmother spoke up, "you two can talk in the back if ya'd like". So we walked to the back and we talked for what seemed like forever. You apologised for the past couple months and told me you were no longer with your previous girlfriend. A spark of happiness fluttered in my chest but I dare let it stay. When we were asked to take the trash out you offered to carry it like a gentleman, and when your ex texted you asking for you back you refused to respond let alone acknowledge the text. And as your mom called you asking for you to come home for dinner you hugged me tight. It felt like time had slowed down in that one minute. And I felt happy again.
...we went to the pool for your birthday and you begged me to go down the water slide with you and I refused over and over again ... I wish I had said yes
...at that same pool party of yours we clinged to the edge of the pool side and your friend would "drown" you and your hand would reach for mine and I'd hold onto you and pull you back up ... or when your friend would dunk down and I whipped around and yelled at him "what are you doing?!" And you couldn't help but laugh at how dumbfounded he was and how furious I sounded.
...you'd text me good morning and good night texts every day
...we'd say "I love you" and meant it every time
...I'd call you my Zing ..
...we promised eachother that we would try to work things out when I moved .. and now that I'm moved we don't talk at all
...we'd get into fights and instead of working through them I'd break up with you ... I wish I never did ..
...even when we weren't dating we'd still FaceTime and be best of friends.
...my sister set us up and I was the happiest girl on the planet
...you first got Facebook and social media and I was one of the first to know ... now I dont even see your feed ..
...we walked down the street with my dog and talked about the future
...we'd walk down the park and shoot hoops and every time you made a shot you'd want a hug, and the girls that bothered you and I complained at them to stop hitting you ... you blushed so hard when I said "my boyfriend"
...we'd talk about working for the HSUS together and playing MASH to see if we'd get each other's name
...you'd send me pics of your hunt and how proud you were .. and all the cute pics I'd take of you when we were in the car together
... I could go on and on about all the memories we share ... But do you remember the promises we made to eachother? And how now they're broken ..
I don't ask for your love anymore, and lately I don't want to ask for your friendship. But I do ask for your forgiveness. I wasn't always there for you, I'd be mean and break up with you and regret every word the next day, I'd tell you this is the year we move and then the sale would fall through ... I knew you'd eventually lose hope of us moving. But now that we're moved in and you and I are closer than ever I'm afraid that I've lost you. ..
But I am happy for you, old friend, please take my word for how happy I am for you. After all the lost and the tragedy to have something so steady means everything to you and me. I love you. I always will, but that doesn't mean I can't love you as a friend.

Do you remember the night we watched Deadpool and I was nervous to kiss you cause my grandmother pointed out all the signs that day that you still liked me, and you said you were talking to someone? I knew I had lost my chance at being with you but I also smiled at how loyal you are. I wasn't hurt that night because I knew deep down I still had a friend. Do you remember our hug? Call me crazy but I still do and how good it felt and how time stood still for that one moment. Best hug ever.
❤️ I love you, old friend. ❤️