I Guess, I'm A Sad Sack

• FOUR •

Song: Old Friends by Jasmine Thompson (Jonas Blue remix)

I had told my parents about the events of the day yesterday when they had gotten home. Everyone loved it and my dad was proud that I handled the situation so well, but of course my mom was busy trying to evaluate my state of mind.

~•~

After supper, Jacob and I had gone and sat on the roof top. There was a mini balcony with bean bag chairs there, as we loved to come out here and look at the stars and just think.

"I think I have a new idea." My brother said looking at me. He was an aspiring inventor. "You know how I'm always breaking my shoes, cause of all the activities I do and the places I go to? And the grip never lasts or the fabric and leather starts to break. I think I want to make my own shoe for people who live on the edge just like I do."

"You don't live on the edge, you're just wreckless." I say laughing. "But the idea does make sense. But there are hiking and mountain boots. "

"Yeah yeah. But, I'd need sneakers, ones that look great and that could do well out in the world you know?"

"Yeah I get you." I say gently bumping my shoulder against his. "So how was school today?" I ask him.

"It was alright - school is school. Ohhh but some ish went down though!" He exclaimed. "So you remember Monica right?"

"Yeah." I nod, listening to him.

"So you remember Mitchell and Tyrrell right?"

"Yeah yeah," I nod giggling at his excitement.

"So they have apparently been cheating on their girlfriends with each other! They legit came out of the closet today! We were all like 'What the fuck guys!" He exclaimed.

"Geez that must've been awkward as hell - think of all the times you guys have had PE together!" I laughed at him. "Oh those poor girls! Nothing hurts more than being cheated on." I say after calming down.

"Yeah, they should've at least been gentlemen and broken up with their girlfriends. But I'm pretty sure they were scared to come out the closet or something." He rationalized.

"But still being scared shouldn't cause you to cheat."

"Hey peoples actions vary, plus why are you speaking like you've got so much dating experience you've been single your entire life." He laughed at me.

"Hey, that's not true and you know it. I'm just not dating anyone right now, I'm waiting for the right person to walk my way." I say shyly.

"That's not how it works Ora, you gotta go out there and get your man. A lot of guys these days like being chased, we're tired of doing the chasing all the time."

"What? That's not true. It makes men feel macho being the chaser."

"True, but we also are tired of getting rejected by every girl we ask out. So we'd rather just wait for girls to come after us, if they don't then obviously we'll chase them. You can't wait forever you know." He finished.

"And men say women are confusing." I say rolling my eyes.

"Woman are - ya'll don't know what you want." He said accusingly.

"We do, we just like testing you guys. When we're sad we tell you we're fine in hopes that you'll show you actually care by continuously asking us if we're fine or not."

"Guys hate that shit, why don't you just tell us straight up?"

"Because a lot of the time, guys are just asking to ask and not because they actually care so we just want to make sure they actually care!" I exclaim.

"Not all guys are the same."

"And not all women are the same," I retort back. We just stared each other down for a few seconds and then burst out laughing.

This was pretty much our routine, we'd always argue but it never got too personal. We always had play arguments if that's a thing. Ahh I love this guy, he is so much more than my annoying brother - he's my best friend as well.

Us only being two years apart has really bonded us. This is why when I have kids one day, I want a small age gap between my kids so they can be buddies. My sister and I are nine years apart - which is a massive gap considering her and I will only ever really be able to relate when she's much older.

"Jacob bed time, you have school tomorrow." We hear mom yelling from inside. I look at my watch and see its 22:15 - I should probably also head to bed.

We both head down the roof and go to our rooms, we hug goodnight and he face rakes me before entering his room. I hate it when he does that.

~•~

I had messages on WhatsApp that I hadn't had checked. I saw the group on my phone of me and my friends from my old town called Forever Friends.

I scrolled through the messages and a few saying that they wanted to leave the group because its difficult being long distance friends. That crushed me - especially since we all promised to stay in contact after I left. My heart felt sore, how could they be so mean.

So I just decided to do the honourable thing and just leave the group. As soon as I did, my best friend Raven sends me a personal message about how they were being such dicks.

Ora: I hate this. I hate being so far away from you guys. But I'm also glad for it because it's showing me who my true friends are.

Raven: Yeah it is. I hope you know I'll always be your true friend right?

Ora: Of course. You are probably one of my only true friends. But it doesn't mean it'll hurt less. It feel like they've just crushed all my joy and happiness.

Raven: I'm sorry baby girl❤ I'll talk to them.

Ora: Alright - thanks. Goodnight - Love you.

Raven: Night night, love you too.

I switched my phone off and placed it on my bedside table. I couldn't help the tears that slipped out next. I went into the middle of my bed underneath all the blankets and curled up into a little ball and just cried. It felt so painful - like a part of me was dying. I hate this feeling, feeling like my very being is breaking from the inside out.

I felt so alone and the sad part is I knew it wasn't going to get any better from here.

~•~
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