Irreplaceable

22

"Cards tables will be in the dining room again this year. The movie in the living room will be Jim Carrey's 'Grinch Who Stole Christmas' for those who want to watch. The downstairs rec room is back open for the younger kids, but no food is allowed down there so finish your desserts first." My mother reminded everyone before heading to oversee the clean up.

Normally I would have invited him up to my room and we would hang out until everyone else left, generally playing video games on my personal tv. My mum always said that as long as I stayed downstairs until after dessert it was fine. Now though, I was sort of nervous to make the offer. SO many questions ran through my head.

Was it too soon? Would he be okay with being alone with me? Would he think I was just trying to pick up our friendship where it left off? I didn't want him to think he was still being friend-zoned. I didn't want him to think I was inviting him for something else yet though. Damn it. Trying to start dating your ex-best-friend was harder than it sounded.

"Did you want to watch the movie? I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk." He said to me, breaking the silence with his suggestion. I jumped at it.

"Sure! A walk sounds great. Let's get our coats." I got up and led the way to the front hall, where I grabbed both our jackets from the large hall closet, and we put them on before stepping out into the chill air. I pulled on a set of thin gloves from my pocket and flipped my hood up to block the bit of wind from ruffling my hair.

"The park?" He offered at the end of the front walk. I nodded and we turned in unison towards one of our favourite places. It was just a few blocks away and the neighbourhood was dead quiet as we walked. 'Not a creature was stirring,' I believe the phrase went? I smiled in the cold air and glanced over at my companion. He looked thoughtful.

"Swings or slide?" I asked him at the entrance. He headed to the right, towards the swings. I followed and climbed onto the one next to him, cringing at the grating squeal of the metal chains as it rocked under my weight.

"They really should oil these things." He said with a laugh.

"Yeah, they sound like a dying animal." I replied with a roll of my eyes. The quiet descended between us again, but it didn't feel oppressive to me. It had always been comfortable for me to just be around Nate. I breathed in the fresh air and enjoyed the moment.

"I missed this." He admitted quietly. I gulped with sudden emotion.

"Yeah. Me too." I responded. I blinked back the dangerously close tears and smiled brightly at him. "Can we... do you think we can start over?" He stared at me. His eyes were shadowed in the gloom of the evening and I couldn't read his face.

"No... but... maybe we can keep going a little better?" He asked in return, looking down at the sand at our feet.

"Really? I'd really like that. Let's not fight like this again, okay?" I reached out for his hand and he stretched out his arm to grasp my gloved one in his bare one.

"Okay. I'll try. You are really stubborn sometimes though." He replied cheekily. I huffed.

"Rude. I know. I'll try too. I mean, I've been trying not to be such an idiot but you know it's hard for me." I said with an insolent grin.

"Let me guess... the chocolate?" He gave me a knowing look. I laughed and nodded. "That is... how the heck did you know my locker combination?"

"I'll never tell." I sneezed suddenly and he looked concern as he came up to me on the swing.

"Sorry. Are you cold? Maybe we should head back." He grabbed my other hand and helped me up off the swings. We walked back out of the park and down the street. We were watching as we approached; someone left the party to get in their car and drive away.

"Guess the party is wrapping up." I said sadly. He shrugged and we went inside to warm up. My mom had hot chocolate out now, and we both grabbed a mug. She hugged me briefly and pressed her cheek against my red, cold one with a giggle.

"Where have you two been?" She asked quietly.

"The park. We went for a walk." I smiled at her happy expression. She was probably a little tipsy too, but it just lent a little glow to her cheeks.

"Okay, not too much longer hun. Finish your hot chocolates." She said before leaving me to join others in the front hall who were getting ready to leave. I led Nathan to sit in the living room with less than half a dozen people and the screen dark. We had been a lot longer than I thought on our walk. I heard a giggle from behind me.

"Look up." I heard Mark say to me and I tilted my head back to see... mistletoe. On a string. Dangling over our heads.

"I can't believe you still have that." I heard someone whisper. I looked down to see a rather hesitant look on Nathan's face.

"You don't have to if you don't..."

I kissed him. I did it. I just leaned forward and pressed my lips against his before he even finished his sentence. They were still moving a little against mine as I smothered them with my silly inexperienced lips. Maybe it was the sugar high. I could blame it on the happiness I felt just exploding from my pores at being with him again.

Really I just wanted to kiss him. That strange feeling of being so full I thought my chest was going to burst overwhelmed me. His mouth was warm from the hot chocolate and his lips were soft. I put out a hand to steady myself and encountered a hard, hot male chest. I knew I was probably doing it all wrong, but I couldn't pull away just yet.

I wanted to taste him. Nibble on those beautiful male lips just a second longer. Feel the faint scratch of youthful scruff against my own jaw as my lips moved on his gently. I trembled at the feeling of him being so close to me. My eyes fluttered as I pulled back from him with a blush. The room was silent and still as I licked my lips.

His eyes followed the movement and suddenly the room was full of laughter, wolf-whistles and more boisterous chatter than of a moment ago. He looked stunned. Someone patted him on the back but his eyes never left mine. I gulped and grinned at a comment from one of my family members.

"Merry Christmas Nate." I whispered just loud enough for him to catch. He blinked.

"Merry Christmas to you too." He replied dazed.