IM NOT OKAY: a Demi story

WHY

Trigger warning please read at your own risk
DEMI'S POV

DEMI: I I relapsed because after the show in New Jersey I I was r-r-raped and then I thought I was pregnant so I went to the doctors they concluded I wasn't but they also f-f-fount out I c-can't have children because of my eating disorder
NICK: of Demi I didn't ( I cut him off)
DEMI: you didn't know only my family and Jill knew and well the police but they couldn't find them it was so dark I couldn't see them they had masked on and they used a condom then it was just so hard I was in constant pain mentally and physically I was on this medication where I had to stop my bi polar medication I told my team when we were in Bali because I had too they knew something was up i t-told and they were all so kind about it I had to tell them because they asked why I stopped working out I could work out nick I couldn't because I was in so much pain he didn't just you know he b-b-beat me ( I said now crying)
NICK: where was max
DEMI: I told him to go to his room and get some much needed sleep then I got up the next morning I was going to go to the gym since it was like 3 in the morning and that's w-when he came and shoved be back into my hotel room I couldn't move after he was done w-w-with me. After several hours Jill knocked on my door and I couldn't answer so she got worried and you know all my team had a room key for my room so she went and got it. I was lying bleeding naked on the floor next to the bed I begged her basically forced her not to tell anybody he called me so many things and I relapsed in my eating disorder first I wouldn't eat and kept throwing up no knew then I started cutting again because I felt numb after a while because the pain was gone I didn't feel anything, the my addictions came back. Everyone left when I told them
NICK: I'm sorry dems it was selfish
DEMI: no nick it wasn't...... but that night after me and Christian Aguilera I couldn't do it anymore I was going to k-k-kill myself I went to the bathroom with my blade and slit my wrist I was making the vertical cut and I guess I forgot to lock the bathroom door and Christina walked in and saw me she ( i took a deep breathe and I paused) took the blade out of my hand and flushed it I didn't feel anything nick;
NICK: this is all my fault
DEMI: no it wasn't it wasn't your fault, it was mine and mike made that clear he yelled at me I never told him what happened you that night in New Jersey and he wasn't thinking and got so angry he hit me I had a panic attack and he told me to just deal with it he stormed out mad
Then a I just kept getting worse then tori started and he was back he was a meet and greet I heard his voice but I wasn't a h-h-hundred percent sure so i don't tell anybody but he came back and he drugged me all I remember is his touch it disgust me so much so I wanted to numb I ended up slashing my wrist then I went to drugs and alcohol. It was really bad one night after tour i felt guilty because when I was with Wilmer we wanted a baby but never knew why we couldn't have one and then it hit me it was all my fault so I took a bunch of drugs that night I told everyone it was an accident but it wasn't I wanted to die nick only my family and team knows, I can't tell my fans and everyone agrees because they count on me
NICK: I'm sorry demi I didn't know I'm so sorry
DEMI: it's not your fault

Nicked looked in my eyes for a second and I saw them flicker to my lips and all of sudden feelings I had before everything happened feelings I had for him came rushing back.
He leaned forward and closed the gap between us,