Freaks and Geeks - Season Too!!!! (SATIRE!)

S02E02 - Great Expectations (Part 8)

The next night, Ken hung out with Nick in his basement as they two swapped mushrooms and pot like they usually did when either got a new stash. It was the night of the Gnarly Barley dance, and Nick was busy getting his costume ready as Ken doddled on and on about how stupid his friend looked. Ken squinted his eyes, fighting not to laugh at the spectacle in front of him as he watched Nick struggle to properly place the prosthetic expansion on his nose. He considered telling him it looked like he was gluing a long, thin dick to the end of his nose, but he decided to just let him find out himself later that night.

"So," Ken began, still struggling to swallow his laughter, "did you ever manage to get rid of those weird, wet dreams? You never said anything about them yesterday."

Nick sighed, dropped his head and gripped either side of his bathroom sink. "No," he finally answered in a mumble. "I went to sleep with a full tummy and a used tissue on the floor next to my bed. Still dreamt of Mrs. Weir. Only this time she covered herself with vegetable oil and we wrestled naked before..." He shivered slightly before finishing. "You know... doing it."

Ken fell over from laughing so hard, kicking his legs in the air wildly as he continued to titter on his back. "What does-" he panted, trying to find the breath for words after all his laughter. "What does that stupid book say about it anyway, man?"

Another sigh escaped Nick as he resumed applying his nose extension. "It is a stupid book. It said the food thing can represent love, friendship, ambition, sex or pleasure in my life. Whatever it is, the book says I'm not getting enough of it outside of my dreams. And having sex with Mrs. Weir, the book says... it says if I'm not dreaming about having sex with my significant other, I'm dreaming about someone I really want to have sex with."

"Maybe you really do want to have sex with Lindsay's mom," Ken suggested from his spot on the floor. "How many times have you and Sara had sex?"

"About none-of-your-business times."

Ken chuckled. "That means zero. Is she still a virgin?"

Nick flung an old toothbrush at his friend, completely missing. "That's none of your business either!"

Sensing he was heading down the right road, but hitting a nerve every time he brought it up, Ken switched gears. "Maybe you're just really into the Weir ladies, Nick. I mean, think about it. First Lindsay, now her mom. If Sam was a girl you'd probably be chasing after her. Maybe, like, you think you need to have sex with Mrs. Weir to prove to her that you're good enough for her daughter..."

"Oh, come on, man," Nick whined, "That's the stupidest-"

"Or maybe you're subconsciously into Mrs. Weir 'cause you view her as a dominant individual. I mean, you said she's the one who broke up with you instead of Lindsay, right? I can just see the little submissive inside your body craving to be controlled in a way Sara can't deliver on. Maybe you don't even need to have sex with Sara until she's ready, but a little dominating foreplay may solve your problems."

Nick shook his head. "Now that's the stupidest..." He suddenly remembered that, in each dream with Mrs. Weir, he was wearing a gimp mask and he would always get whipped on the butt lightly. Nick looked at the mirror blankly, trying to come to terms with the fact that his friend may have figured out what was going on.

"Man, I just ate, like, six mushrooms and you look like a smelly koala wearing a wig and smoking a stogie," Ken giggled from the floor, rolling from side to side.