SNS || jeon jungkook ✓

41. liar

I want to say Taehyung told me, but I keep quiet. I may be terrible at decision making on the spot, but from experience I know that mentioning his best friend will fuel a fire that I don't quite know where it will burn.

I drink some water as if that will help, but it only unsettles my already nervous stomach.

My left leg is tapping incessantly but it won't stop. It is taking every ounce of willpower not to get up from the table and leave. It's partially pathetic that one of the main reasons I'm staying is not just because of a contract that I signed, but because it is too hot outside for me to walk home.

When I glance over my shoulder at the window, there is a massive crowd of people standing with their cellphones and cameras as if we are animals at a zoo.

I turn around hurriedly in a panic, but Jungkook doesn't seem fazed. His little nervous habits are kicking in. His mouth is open in concentration and I can tell he doesn't know what to say to me.

I feel like I'm seated at the Billboard Music Awards again— the people, the scrutiny, the judgement: all from sources and media in which I will never physically see.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, "And don't say you didn't know. Don't lie about this. Please."

"I'm sorry," Jungkook leans closer into the table, "I didn't mean to lie. I'm nervous."

Ugh. Why does he have to always do that? Whenever he confesses that he is nervous or whatever he is feeling it digs a hole right into my heart. It makes me want to forgive him.

"Jae-ya," he swallows hard, "I didn't want you to think they were the only reason we were doing this."

I almost want to laugh. His company has now become "they" and it's fascinating to me that even Jungkook is referring to them as so. I stop myself from laughing pathetically.

"That's exactly what I'm thinking now!" I say with widened eyes, "Did you even want to stay with me last night? Or was that part of it too?"

His eyes widen in a mirroring effect. His reaction to my proposal seems sincere, but I can't ignore the fact that everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours seems to be perfectly and methodically planned as if one big scheme.

I suddenly feel disgusting.

"Noona," his jaw basically drops, "You're not really saying that? Are you?"

"Well?" I stare at him.

I'm waiting—waiting for a confirmation that he whole-heartedly wanted to be with me last night and not practicing with his members.

After my conversation with Taehyung, it seems to me that it was planned for him to miss practice and for him to not be around last night.

I'm fighting the vile in my throat as more thoughts come to my mind. I suddenly feel like our relationship is calculated— calculated by the company for success. Yes, I already knew that was their business plan... but does this mean everything that we ever did together was methodically planned too?

I stop my thoughts. I want to convince myself that I'm overthinking everything. But am I? Am I allowed to be thinking this way? Is this what I signed? I waived my rights to know the truth?