The Boy I Married [hold]

11 | Never Faltered

"The school had a pond in the back and while the teachers were watching the other kids playing at recess, Sam managed to slipped away and fell in. He drowned."

Jacob sighed and walked over to my side of the bar and sat at the stool beside me.

"After Sam died, Tasha and I tried to coexist amongst each other and even though we had so much love for one another, without Sam there anymore, we just grew far apart. Depression got the best of both of us and we fought every waking moment until the divorce. We sued the preschool and won. She used her half to flee the country after our divorce was finalized and I haven't seen her since. My dad made me promise not to spend that money on anything unless it was rebuilding my family. He wouldn't even let me help with Balzac's. A few years later he died." Jacob shrugs trying to mask the pain his voice ratted him out with. "And now here we are," he smiles, lifting his coffee mug in some form of toast before finishing it the cup.

Nothing was coming from my mouth in attempts to comfort him for so much loss in his life. It amazed me that even in all of that loss and hurt, his character never faltered. I wouldn't have ever imagined someone going through what he had gone through and still posses the capacity to love and care for others the way he had.

"I lost my baby too. Her name was Aria."

Jacob's brows furrowed and you could see the shock on his face spike. It wasn't something I normally told people. It's not that I didn't love her anymore or anything, she had just become a distant memory too hard to bring up. Especially with all the failed pregnancy attempts Justin and I were experiencing.

"I used to dance with husband a while back and during one of the shows, I fell off of stage. The fall was extremely traumatic and she didn't survive it. Losing her was the hardest pain I've ever had to go through. I can't even imagine what you must feel. Having gotten to know him and love him and just losing him one day."

He shifted on his stool and nodded his head. "Losing a child period is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I think about him every single day. I think about Tasha and how she's been holding up since," he sighs in defeat.

"Sometimes I feel alone," I paused. Guilt always had its ways of sneaking up on me and shaming me for feeling alone when I had Justin there with me. He's an amazing husband yet the loneliness crept in anyways. "I was depressed for a long time. Even still to this day I find myself sinking at the thought of her. I try talking to Justin and yeah his comfort is good, but it feels disingenuous. Aria wasn't his daughter," I shrugged. "I was in this extremely toxic relationship before I got together with Justin. To make a long story short, I had ended things with the man I was seeing and he didn't like that too much," a light chuckle slipped from my mouth in hesitation. Was I being too personal? "He ended up raping me and that how I got pregnant."

"Jesus Christ. I—I. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. That's horrible."

I shrugged and gave him a crooked smile.

"Sometimes when I'm in my dark depression moments involving her, I feel like he doesn't understand the weight that's on me about it. He can't. We talked about him raising her as his own while I was pregnant but ya know, he never got the chance to love her. It's lonely sometimes."

I don't think he fully meant to, but he grabbed ahold of my hand and squeezed it tight. His eyes fixated on mines for a moment until the sound of the bells on the door broke our attention. It was Pattie.

Jacob stood from the stool and walked a little closer to her. "Sorry ma'am. We're not exactly opened," he chuckled looking around the empty cafe.

"Mom," i exclaim, walking over to her and almost completely melting in her hold. Once our hug subsided, I looked over to Jacob.

"This is my mother in law, Pattie. Pattie this is Jacob. My business partner."

Pattie smiles at Jacob and gives him one of her warming hugs as well. Though we both remained quiet about it, her hug was something we needed desperately.

"I saw your car parked out front and thought I'd swing by. I haven't been to this place in a long time. You and Justin raved about it all the time."

"It was one of our favorite places to be."

Despite meaning to, Pattie sat around at Balzac's with us and indulged in conversation and a few cups of coffee to surpass the time. I missed being able to talk to her in the way we had done just now. Before leaving she invited Jacob and I over for dinner tonight and as nicely as the both of us tried declining, she insisted.

———

😁 whats it been? Like 50 years?

Anyways, HI! Here's an update 😁