Finding You

Chapter 26: The Butt of the Joke

[Received at 9:15 PM]: One day my girlfriend asked me to consider taking some time out of my schedule to meet a friend from college that she was really close with. I wanted to support her, so I put the time aside and agreed to hang out and play pool. I'm not really a social person but I tried my best to seem pleasant and not socially anxious. However, the whole time I was there, this girl gave me some seriously bad vibes. She kept asking me "why can't we be friends?" and "why don't you like me?" even though I never said anything of the sort. I assumed that maybe my shyness was a bit extreme and I seemed cold. I even felt bad because I thought I made her feel like she wasn't likeable. And then two weeks later my ex told me she had cheated on me with that girl.

[Sent at 9:17 PM]: wait wait wait...

Yoongi had to take a second. He really had to fucking wrap his mind around this because, if he understood correctly, Alex's ex-girlfriend had brought her to meet the girl she had cheated on her with over a friendly game of pool. What the actual fuck? He couldn't even picture someone actually doing that and he had met some pretty shitty people throughout his life.

[Received at 9:17 PM]: Yeah, you read it right. Whenever I tell someone that this happened, they pretty much have that reaction. I felt sick for a week after I found out. I couldn't fucking comprehend how someone who said they loved me could put me in that kind of situation. I felt like I was there for their amusement so they could have this inside joke that was like "hehe we fucked and she doesn't know. *insert high-five here*." It fucking sucked. I felt used, sick, and humiliated. I'm not even sure if I will ever be able to trust people the same after that.

Anger. He felt a lot of anger and he had some fucking choice words that he wished he could spit at this ex-girlfriend. Whatever was going on behind the scenes that caused her to be dissatisfied could never even shape up to be an excuse large enough to cover such disgusting behavior. He had trouble thinking of a worst way to bring up cheating than what she did.

[Sent at 9:19 PM]: alex i dont think you have to worry about someone doing that again. dont shut people out. it just lets the pain she caused control you.

[Received at 9:20 PM]: You are consistently full of good advice, August. Thank you. Honestly, I think more than anyone else you have taught me that not everyone has bad intentions for me. You are good to me.

Yoongi smiled when he read that because he believed that she found what he said helpful. He worked to reply quickly because he wanted her to continue telling him her story.

[Sent at 9:21 PM]: i just want you to be happy. go on.

[Received at 9:21 PM]: To go on with the story...when she told me she cheated on me, she cried and sobbed. I actually comforted her. I had no emotions at the time, everything was so...it was so fucking surreal. I felt like I was dreaming.

[Received at 9:25 PM]: I tried to be okay with it. I tried to work past it, but as time went on everything was just collapsing around me. Everything I was secure about felt unsteady. The last thing that had me breathing correctly felt like it was a huge fucking lie and suddenly the depression hit me full force and I spiraled hard.

[Received at 9:28 PM]: I tried to kill myself. I was about a step away from my death at one point, one leg over the edge of the railing on a staircase in the library, top floor. As I looked down at the bottom floor, nothing mattered anymore. The fact that my mom's brothers had committed suicide didn't make me stop and consider what throwing myself from that staircase would do to her. My life just seemed ruined to me, everything I had pictured for my future was falling down piece by piece like a fucking Jenga tower. I couldn't breathe right and I just felt so tired of taking beatings.