Angst stories

L

Have you ever felt empty? Not sad, not depressed, not anything. Just. Empty. As if you weren't even a living being. As if you felt no emotion. As if you felt like nothing. That's how I felt, until I had met you.

You were the light of my dark life. Whenever I was with you, I never had to fake my smiles, or pretended that was happy. Because I truly felt as if I never needed anybody else, but you. With you, there was colour in my life. You made my eyes sparkle like it never did, every single day. I never thought of anything negative anymore, because you would constantly fill up my mind.

Occasionally, my breakdowns would sudden jump out at me. All my paranoia, my anxiety, my insecurities. But no matter how many panic attacks I had, you were always there to guild me through them.

You made me feel like something. You made me feel like everything. So why are you leaving me with nothing again?

We were so in love. Blinded by love. So blinded that we couldn't even see the evils of the world. Until one day, I guess you stopped feeling the same. Your smiles faded, your eyes stopped shining. Your usual happy attitude was gone. You were no longer the man I had fell in love with. But I was determined. Determined to get you back. Determined to make you fall back in love with me.

But with me worrying that you would leave me, my panic attacks got more frequent. They would come, one after the other, no matter what I did. No matter how many medications I took, no matter how many appointments with my therapist I went to, they never got better. You had to be there for me more. I took up more and more of your time. And I guess you just got tired of me.

When I saw you with that girl, smiling so cheerfully as you used to do with me, I knew I could no longer get you back.

I'm happy for you, I truly am. I'm happy you found your true love. I'm happy that you found the one who wanted to spend the rest of your life with. I'm happy that even as I'm here, suffering, you are out there laughing happily with someone.

Now I'm here in this empty room. A knife in one hand and bandages in the other. As more blood drips to the floor, I prayed that you would be here again. Comforting me, bandaging my wounds, making me feel something again.