Pure Innocence (Lauren/You)

Chapter 13

The next time I found myself awake, there was a constant warmness surrounding me, particularly right in my neck as well. I uncovered my eyes to see raven hair sprawled out over my chest where Lauren was laying her head against my shoulder. Her nose was pressed up against my neck which explained the large amount of heat radiating from her steady breathing. My confusion won over my want to enjoy the moment. Last night she was yelling at me because she hated me, yet now she was cuddling me as if nothing ever happened. I noticed that she also had a blanket wrapped over her back so that it covered the two of us; but there was also a pillow now resting under my head by the armrest. How she managed to do all of this while I was still sleeping; I knew nothing of the fact. For a second, I convinced myself that last night didn't happen, but that would too naive of me to believe. This all became very real for the both of us now and that was something I had to face.

I never wanted to hear those words come from Lauren's mouth; ever. But in the end, it was a reality I had to face whether I liked it or not. Lauren truly didn't want to be here any longer, and I had to respect that. So as my eyes landed on my cell phone laying on the coffee table next to us, I slowly reached out to retrieve it as so not to wake Lauren from what seemed like a very deep slumber. In the back of my mind, I wondered if she had been getting enough sleep lately with everything that had been going on between us; because I knew I hadn't. I unlocked my phone to see that there were no new messages from Clara, causing me to sigh and reach out one last time, knowing I wasn't going to let this deter me. This was as much damage as I could do to Lauren, and I wasn't going to allow her to hurt more because of me. I finished typing the message and sent it out, sighing afterwards before I threw my arm over my eyes to just lay there against the couch, admiring these moments because I don't know how much more I was going to be able to experience with Lauren by my side.

I set my phone on the table next to me once more before trying to sneak out underneath Lauren without waking her up. It took a long while to complete but eventually I succeeded in removing myself from her grasp without waking her so that I could go take care of myself after I didn't get the chance last night. I took the opportunity to take a shower in hopes of washing away my deepest sadness and regrets but nothing seemed to work. The hot water didn't soothe my stressed and aching muscles like it should have; I didn't feel better about the choices I had made to lead me here or what I recently decided to make Lauren's life feel better than she was experiencing here. I leaned my head against the cold tile of the wall that contradicted the hot nature of the water coming out of the shower. I didn't want to face the reality that my life had become in such a short amount of time because it all just broke my heart. I thought I would be able to take care of Lauren for the rest of her life, but I also wasn't going to force her to stay with me when she clearly didn't want to. I don't know how much time I had taken in the shower but eventually I forced myself to get out and face what I had created.

I dressed myself in casual clothing and made my way back downstairs where Lauren was still sleeping. I sighed as I stared longingly at her sleeping figure and just how beautiful she looked in this moment. Before I could lose myself in my thoughts again, my phone began vibrating on the table where Clara's name had popped up. I checked the message to see that she explained her and Chris were on their way to my house. I slipped my phone in my back pocket as my heart slowly began sinking in my chest, the heaviness of my decision already weighing down on me. I went into the kitchen in hopes of distracting myself with a glass of water. I popped a few pills of ibuprofen because I already knew I was bound to get a headache after this; one was already starting to settle anyways. I finished the glass and set it down in the sink before leaning against the counter with my hands gripping the edge of the material. My head bowed almost shamefully as I awaited the arrival of Lauren's mother and her brother. I didn't know how she was going to react but my best guess was that it wouldn't end up very well.