And My Heart Goes

"Decisions"

            "How do you eat that hot mess?" I asked Zade as I watched him eat atomic flavored wings at Wingstop.

            "Man, they ain't that hot," he said before drinking from his cup of strawberry lemonade.

            "Yeah, right. You're just drinking that strawberry lemonade because you're thirsty, huh?"

            "Yep." He started laughing and I laughed, too.

            Even though we were just grabbing a bite to eat, I was having a good time with Zade. It still felt refreshing going out on a date with him as opposed to being in private with either Kwame or Micah. He was just so cute all the damn time and I couldn't help but smile whenever he looked at me. Although my attraction to him was heavy, I really liked that we could hang out and eat wings while chatting and laughing like two good friends. However, he kept getting messages and alerts on his phone and I tried to ignore it but it was quite distracting.

            "Is everything okay?" I asked when he checked his phone for the thousandth time.

            "Yeah," he replied while scrolling the screen of his iPhone. "I told you, I got a lot of followers, baby. And I just made a killin' with my latest OnlyFans subscribers. I gotta hit up the mall on Friday."

            I finished eating my last wing before asking, "What is OnlyFans?"

            "You've never heard of OnlyFans?" He finally looked back up at me from his phone screen and explained, "I post vids on there for my subscribers. They pay a monthly subscription to view my content."

            "What kind of content?"

            "Stuff that goes beyond what I do on my Instagram but not quite on the level of my ManyVids."

            "Okay, I saw the stuff on your Instagram of you at the gym working out. What do you mean by 'beyond' what you do on Instagram?"

            He wiped his mouth with a napkin and then moved closer to me as he explained, "I post videos of me showing my feet either bare or in socks or in some new shoes, walking around naked, taking showers, playing with my dick and ass, and I take a few other requests on my OnlyFans. With ManyVids...I basically do amateur porn."

            It was like the moment he told me all of that, I saw him differently. I didn't want to be rude or come off as a stuck-up prude, but I wasn't expecting him to be into that kind of stuff. Sure, he posted thirst traps on his Instagram but I didn't know it went further than that. I should have expected it though since he didn't have an actual nine-to-five. As much as I wanted to be cool with what he did to make money, I found myself being slightly turned off by it.

            "Judging by the look on your face," he said, "I take it you're not impressed."

            "Zade, I'll be honest. I'm not sure if that's something I could ever be cool with. I mean, I'm all for sex work if that's what you have to do but..."

            "I dropped out of college freshman year and my parents cut me off financially. Look, I tried to work regular gigs but the money wasn't ever right. I get paid a grip just to post pics of myself wearing different brands on my Instagram. The OnlyFans and ManyVids stuff is just a little extra income. With all of that and the club promoting, I make enough to pay my share of the rent for the place I live in with my boys and I treat myself whenever I can."

            "How many times a week do you post new sex videos?"

            "It depends. I might meet a dude off Grindr and hookup to make a video or I'll meet somebody at the gym. I use condoms every single time. Check out my videos and you'll see I'm very safe. I use dental dams and all that if the dude hasn't been tested recently." He noticed my expression hadn't changed and he sighed before asking, "I guess I blew it, huh? You don't wanna talk to me anymore?"