Time; Yoonmin

Chapter Twenty Eight

I never thought I'd be sitting on my couch in the home Yoongi and I share encircled in Jung Hoseok's arms. It's not romantic. He's simply giving me comfort like a real friend as I sob brokenly, unable to stop.
I was fine for the first two hours. For the first movie. I forced smiles and laughs and silently begged Hoseok to distract me. He did well enough but there's only so much one can do. He doesn't know me anymore like he once did.
Eventually...it just all collapsed inside me and I screamed. It happened so suddenly that both of us were shocked but I just had to. I screamed again before completely breaking down. He immediately shut up from whatever he was saying and just pulled me into his arms, trying to reassure me things would be okay.
But how? How could everything be okay? When the husband you love so much you would die for them suddenly destroys your entire world...how is that okay?
How is it okay that the person I used to fear and run from and hate with every part of my soul...suddenly becomes my comfort. My friend. The only thing barely keeping me together.
It was different when Hoseok cheated on me. I didn't love him anymore. I was over the pain and abuse and just numb to it all.
But Yoongi? I'm so deeply in love with him that it's unreasonable, bordering on unhealthy. I never realized just how much this kind of thing could hurt...which is ironic, really.
      "Jimin, I promise you'll be okay..."
     I sob harder, my body shaking so hard I feel like I'm crumbling to pieces. "Why d-does it hurt s-so much? W-we were perfect, Hobi. I love him s-so much..." I cry, wailing out my pain as he rocks me on the couch, trying to calm me down.
      "Why don't you just confront him? You don't deserve this. I d-don't like seeing you like this." He frowns, looking upset and uncomfortable as he wipes my tears.
      "I c-can't..."
      He sighs. "Why not?"
      I look into his eyes pleadingly. "B-because I want to hold out the hope that maybe I'm w-wrong. If I confront him t-then the i-illusion will be over and it will h-hurt so much..." I close my eyes. "I don't want to lose him."
      "At the expense of what? You'd let yourself be miserable just to stay with someone that can't love you wholeheartedly back? Make up excuses just to survive another day? Pretend nothing is going on when he comes home late smelling of sex and someone else?" He demands harshly.
      His words run through my mind over and over and I blink. God, I'm pathetic. When will I learn? Am I destined to repeat the sad damn cycle no matter which path I choose?
      Everything he just mentioned...I did those for him. Now I'm going to do the same for Yoongi? The more I think about it the more I truly believe the universe hates me.
      Raising my gaze to Hoseok's angry expression...I laugh. How fucking ironic he's telling me not to do this with Yoongi. How fucking bitterly hilarious for this man to tell me I deserve better and need to be strong and brave. I laugh harder.
       He probably thinks I'm insane but he's helped me realize something. Why do I even care? I'm going to be dead soon. As much as it hurts...doesn't Yoongi deserve his happiness when I'm gone?
      I've had 14 amazing years with him. I'm sure he's sensed my distancing of late and, although that doesn't make it right, maybe I can understand.
      I glance at Hoseok with a watery smile. "Thank you for being here for me." I whisper, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. "You're honestly the last person I ever thought I'd be closest to right now." I snort.
      He smiles. "What can I say? I'm just so fucking lovable like that." He teases. "I'm special."
       I hug him tightly. "You're right, definitely special. I'm going to calm down and talk to him when he comes home. I feel better now that I've let it all out."
      He sighs, ruffling my hair. "Oh, Park."
      I roll my eyes. "It's Min."
     He smirks. "I'm always going to call you Park. Park Jimin." He announces.
     "Whatever, Jung."
     "Mhm, that's right! I should be rewarded for my efforts of cheering you up and letting you ruin my Gucci shirt with your salty ass tears that dickhead doesn't deserve." He demands.
      I chuckle. "What do you want, my savior?" Playing along.
      He eyes me speculatively for a long time before getting up and walking around the house, observing everything.
     "You, sir...have nothing of equal value of my time and efforts." He goes on in an announcer like voice.
      I scoff. "Fuck You!"
      His eyes light up. "Fair enough. I'll take it!"
     My eyes widen in shock as he suddenly runs at me and lifts me into his arms, tossing me over his shoulder and smacking my ass a few times.
      I screech and laugh, beating on his back to be let down. "You know I didn't mean that seriously! Put me down! Now!" I squeal as he begins tickling my sides.
      After a good five minute struggle, I end up back on my feet, breathless and my mind fully taken off my troubles. Once again I wonder why I couldn't have this Hoseok in my previous life.
      I groan. "You should go. It's late."
      He calms down. "You sure you'll be okay? I can stay..."
      Smiling, I shake my head. "I'm good. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
      He nods slowly as I walk him to the door. "Thank you for tonight, really. I don't know what I would have done without you here." I admit.
      He winks. "Anytime, Park. Call me later when the asshole finally gets his shit together."
      I giggle. "Bye." I close the door then lean my back against it. I think about going to bed but change my mind. I'll drive myself crazy trying to sleep in our bed alone while he's out...out...doing whatever. Without me.
I grab a blanket and curl up on the couch, yawning in exhaustion. All my crying has wiped me out.