So like I said before I'm questioning my gender identity. I call bullsh*t on anyone who pretends there are only two gender identities. I feel like I'm living proof there isn't.
So you may not know that before it became controversial, psychologists would often diagnosis 'gender identity disorder' (now gender dysphoria, thank goodness!) by asking questions like how you do you pee? (Standing up or sitting down) or what sex are you in the dreams? These things were thought to determine what your real sex/gender was supposed to be.
Well, I'm totally mixed when it comes to things like that. When I dream I'm usually a mix of female and male but sometimes I'm 100% female and while rarely I have been completely male before. How lovely that was.
When I pee half the time I stand and half the time I sit.
I'm also a mix when it comes to gender expression. Like I would wear a tux and a button up but I also think I'd wear a dress if I was in the mood and confident enough with myself to. I also think things like high heels, skirts, flower crowns, etc, I would like but as for right now, I feel like my body is too flawed to wear any of that. My freckles make me too ugly, my arms are a bit too flabby, etc.
When I appear as a boy I don't have to worry so much about all of that. Not saying my male identity is because of self-esteem issues but it's definitely a safe haven from them.
I have a ton to say about my sexuality and gender identity but I don't want to cram them into a chapter each so I'll definitely come back to these topics later on. So please keep in mind this is a drop in the bucket about how I feel about my gender identity.
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A Queer Diary
Non-FictionThis story is to document/share my experience being a 16-year-old queer kid. I currently identify as a (trans) boy and label myself as pansexual. I've been questioning both for a long time, though. I suppose this story as a way to express that.
