When Desire Takes Over ✔... ADVICE FOR COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY STUDENTS

Moulding

Moulding is when an individual attempts to configure aspects of another individual in accordance to what he desires to be in them. Of course, this is all a dreamer's fantasy.

In the current climate, most individuals who practice this are unfortunately those who are regarded as being practising. Sometimes, a person may find somebody who is beautiful, funny, smart, intelligent and has all the ingredients to make a perfect life partner apart from one core recipe. However, this recipe is so important, a person feels a huge need for their partner to possess it and without it, the future is dim (not orange). This core recipe is Din. Every practising person naturally wants Din to be in his partner and if it is not there, he tries to mould her into a pious young Muslimah.

The reason for this is down to a person wanting somebody who he knows has all the features to keep himself satisfied; a person who is perfect and compatible in every way. The reason why this is found in practising people more is due to the Islamic knowledge that they may possess. The knowledge tells them that they need someone who is their equivalent in religion also and so they will try to religiously influence their girlfriends/boyfriends so that they fit the description of a perfect life partner. For example, Sikander is a faithful supporter of Arsenal Football Club but he feels that his girlfriend Sophia, as wonderful as she is, does not have that same enthusiasm for the team. So in order to rectify this, he begins to mould her into his line of thought by purchasing Arsenal jerseys, magazines and merchandise for her. In the same way, a practising Muslim boy has a girlfriend (yes, it is contradictory) and she is amazing but she is slightly neglectful of her religion. Because he cares for her, he buys her books and l;iijabs/jilbabs so that she may adhere to Islam in the manner he would like.

This is prominent in both males and females. During my time in college, I have come across many scenarios in which sisters were trying to better their boyfriends who were indulged in drugs by giving them many religious advices and products. The majority of the time, it never worked but caused more problems. These problems came about when the sisters had spent tons of time in trying to help and just when things looked to be getting better, their boyfriends ended up smoking a bag of cannabis! One sister had scolded her boyfriend and even sent him on jamat for a few days but it was to no avail! This is because these people fail to realise that guidance is only in the hands of Allah, as Allah says in the Qur'an,

"It is nothing else but a message of advice for all the worlds, for the benefit of any one from among you who intends to go straight. And you cannot intend (to do anything) unless it is so willed by Allilh, the Lord of all the worlds." (surah takwir 81:27-29)

  "You cannot give guidance to whomsoever you wish, but Allah gives guidance to whomsoever He wills, and He best knows the ones who are on the right path." (surah qasas 28:56)

And we know that guidance can only benefit a person, if he himself wants it. For Allah  says,

"For every one (from among you) there are angels replacing one another, in front of him and behind him, who guard him under the command of Allah. Surely, Allilh does not change the condition of a people unless they change themselves. When Allilh intends evil for a people, there is no way to turn it back, and for them there is no patron other than Him."  (Surah Ra'd 13:11)

Guidance is a factor that most people forget when they get involved into things like this. At the end of a day, a person can give another the best lecture on following Islam in the correct manner but it will never be of any benefit if the person who is being lectured has no sincere desire to change. Thus it should be remembered, that moulding and changing a person is totally dependent on Allah and nobody has the ability to influence anyone lest that person himself wants the guidance. The most one can do for another is make du'a. As a result of that desire for change, Allah  will grant him divine guidance.

May Allah guide us in every walk of life.

Ameen.