Many people are of a beautiful nature, great conduct and of religious insight, yet still they fall into the snares of Shaytan. This is not because they are evil people or that they have bad hearts. It is quite simply down to the fact that they are lonely! As mentioned before, a person constantly needs a hand to hold, a pair of eyes to look into, and quite simply, a person to love. Many people can live without this partner until a certain age but as soon as they reach the limit, the mind becomes infatuated on having a partner. Why do you think the number one discussion in many Islamic Societies is marriage? Because, a huge number of brothers and sisters have reached a point in their life where they cannot concentrate on anything but marriage.
When this infatuation occurs, a person starts to feel isolated as there are things in his heart which want to be expressed but there is nobody to express them to. This leads to a constant state of depressive loneliness. This feeling is not limited to a particular gender or peoples but this is a feeling which is common in most people. Man needs a companion. A man can only speak to his male friends about certain sorrows and his male friends can only console him to a certain extent. When that limit has been reached, it is time for a woman to take over and pacify the man as women are naturally gifted in such matters. When the Prophet صلي الله عليه وسلم would come home to 'Aishah رضي الله عنها ,after a long hard day, she would embrace him and recite poetry to calm his anxiety. She would say,
"I have a sun and the horizon has a sun,
But my sun is better than the sun of the sky,
because the sun of the sky comes out after Fajr, but my sun comes out after 'isha'." (tohfā e Dulhan)
What she meant with this poem is that while the sun of the sky only shines during the day, the radiance and light of Rasulullah صلي الله عليه وسلم is a 24 hour light and is shining bright at all times. These words would make Rasulullah صلي الله عليه وسلم very happy and it was because of gestures like this, 'Aishahرضي الله عنها remained his favourite wife.
These are the qualities that people look for in a marriage. So stories such as the above trigger a feeling in a person's heart and give him a yearning desire to acquire this type of love.
This loneliness is fuelled because of the constant emphasis our society puts on relationship. It is strengthened further by the many television shows and movies that we see on a regular basis. Romantic relationships are shown to be so sweet and adorable that many people want to be a part of it as well. This is a huge problem with sisters who entertain themselves with romantic comedies and fairytale love stories. Many girls get so many nice proposals but reject them one after the other because they are waiting for Harry Potter to pop by on his broomstick.! Many brothers are rejecting very nice women because they are waiting for a girl who fits all sorts of bizzare criterias!. This is really problematic as a person will remain lonely if one keeps conforming to such ideas. People of the Indo-Pak subcontinent are huge sufferers of this ailment. Hollywood plays with a person's mind in relation to possible realities but Bollywood takes reality and flushes it down the toilet. There is no reality and everything is possible! Every film has a love plot which seems so romantic and thrilling that a person feels heavily inclined towards it. The truth in the matter is that things portrayed in such movies do not happen. They are merely thrilling thoughts of the writer which capture the minds of the public. The common folk then go out in an attempt to reconstruct this in their own lives and when they miserably fail, they become sad.
Depression is also something that emanates from loneliness. The reason is obvious, but the effects of this can be extremely harmful to a person. Many people do crazy things because of their loneliness. Many times people have started smoking and using drugs in order to remove the pain. Others begin to inflict self harm and these are all hugely worrying!
Many young girls begin to write the names of people they fancy or would like to marry in future on their arms and body by scratching themselves with sharp metal. Tattooing and writing names all over hands, walls, exercise books have become all too common. I remember mentoring a young girl once who was completely infatuated upon a boy elder than her. It began as a crush but soon she began to watch him play cricket in the playground, take pictures of him on her phone and even write his name all over her books. The young man did not realise this at all but when he did, he treated the girl in a foul manner (which he thought to be correct in order to shake her advances off him) and she as a result of this began to inflict self harm. An extreme it may be but it is fast becoming a trend.
It must also be remembered that men also suffer from loneliness. Sometimes it gets very hard for men as after a long, hard day out of the house, they would really like to come home to someone they could cuddle and speak to. That is quite simply the reality without beating around the bush so as to say. This loneliness can get really sad from time to time, especially when a person is feeling low in spirituality. In this situation, a person constantly gets attracted to whatever softness is shown to him.
People who are into this problem of intermingling in canteens, quads and socialising areas, must become most cautious. When a person is feeling very weak and sad due to his loneliness, he may want to marry the first person he sees. I had once been sitting with a brother and when a girl happened to pass by, he immediately said, "That is wifey right there!" When a person is in this state, he must keep away from the other sex as he may go to a girl for comfort but she may soon become his addiction and he will not be able to stop talking to her. When in this state, a person should also lower his gaze as sometimes a person in this state notices the most rosiest cheeked girl, with mesmerising, big, brown eyes and a big smile. Naturally, he feels inclined towards this person. At this juncture, a person must punish his nafs and desires by placing a punishment on himself of 50 Astagfirullah(s). He should make a firm intention of reciting a set amount of dhikr. This will then help him turn towards the remembrance of Allah and strengthen his resolve. When a person engages in worship and refuses to give in to the desires of his nafs and Shaytan, the pair get angry with him and stop seducing him towards evil. This is because they get annoyed that instead of being inclined towards this girl, he is engaging himself in the remembrance of Allah! As a result, Shaytan and the nafs will stop placing these thoughts in the heart. However, the more a person feeds his nafs, the more it will feel inclined towards the other sex. A person feeds his nafs by entertaining thoughts of unlawful women and of sweet relationships with them. It is most important that the person closes his eyes towards the creation and opens his heart towards the Creator. A quote that comes to mind,
"Some people lower their gazes but derive great pleasure and satisfaction by conjuring images of the beloved in the mind's eye, through the power of imagination. Thus not only the physical eye, but even the 'mental eye' has to be cast down from strange women. This is achieved by occupying the heart with dhikr and other wholesome thoughts. " (Ruh ki bimaria aur un ka ilaj)
The remedy to this loneliness for both male and female is quite simply marriage. However, if a person is not able to get married, then he should remove his mind completely away from thoughts of marriage and romance. Television, books, movies (all types) and anything else which pushes one's mind towards having a partner should be abstained from. Bollywood in particular should be refrained from and one should constantly keep oneself busy with some sort of worship. Sometimes, even in worship there is laziness or in some cases, people get tired very quickly and look towards something else. In times like this, one should try to play some sports or sit with friends and family and have a cheerful time. The aim here is to remove the thought of marriage away from the mind with actions which are not related to it but are still within the boundaries of Shari'ah.
YOU ARE READING
When Desire Takes Over ✔... ADVICE FOR COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY STUDENTS
Spiritual"Has the time not yet come for those who believe that their hearts should be humble for the remembrance of Allah and for the truth that has descended (through revelation)? They must not be like those to whom the Book was given before, but a long per...
