Distractions (D. SWING)

41

Fear Pt. 1

F. E. A. R.

A concept many of us known, but very few are able to accept. A concept even more of us run from, but much less than few understand. You can fear all kinds of things. You can fear your mother, you can fear letting your boyfriend cum in your ass, you can fear heights, you can fear clowns, the list goes on for days. There's always a handful of people who fear failure, I being one, and for some absurd reason... we always end up with the fearless.

I fear failing myself, I fear failing my parents, I fear failing my fans, I fear failing my boyfriend. I fear my relationship failing. I could wake up tomorrow and lose all of this love, lose this beautiful person I wake up next to almost everyday. I could but, I can't let the fear of failure stop me from succeeding. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why we have to keep pushing forward in life. I have to keep pushing and pray that my fears never cause my failure, right? We have to remember, though, it's easier said than done. Then again, SuperWoman can do anything, you know what I'm sayin'?

"I don't know why I am still so horny."

DeVante glances at me over his shoulder, eyebrows perched and ears wide open. "You said what?"

"I said nothing."

DeVante's lip smack.

"De, you wear me out, baby. I'm going to need vaginal reconstruction or something. What if you break my cervix or something." He laughs but, I'm serious. I roll over in the bed to straddle him. Looking him in the eye, I assure him that I am as serious as a heart attack. "Do I look like I'm playing?"

Ignoring my words, he reaches to squeeze my bare breast in a tender fashion. "C'mon, babe. One more time..."

Fighting any possible left other moans caused by his magical touch, I remove his grip. "Three rounds was enough." I adjust the comforter over my nude body as the air conditioner reminds me of the fact that I happen to be naked.

"Three? See, that's not even a' even number."

I shake my head, pushing my body off of my baby. "Come on, we have to catch that plane to North Carolina."

Once I did exactly what I told my boyfriend I'd do, that being me taking a cold shower before getting myself ready to go. I moped downstairs with Buffy all the way to JoJo's room, where most of the crew resides. I talk about it a lot but to know that when we go to the airport, this is probably the last time I'll see Buffy? That's a heavy pill to swallow on its own. She's going to gate three to fly back to New York and finish packing while I go to gate five to meet my boyfriend's parents. She could still be there when I get back but she'd already informed me that is very unlikely. Like I said, we talk about it all the time but... I'm still not ready to let her go.

"Damn, Buffy, you really leaving us? You just suddenly don't fuck with us no more," JoJo jokes in attempts to lighten the mood.

Buffy painfully giggles. "No, it's just time for me to go. I have to start over."

I nod pointing at Buffy in agreement. "See, it's always the failed relationships that really make you realize you gotta' go. That's what it was for me too. The moment my eyes opened, I was out of there! This might be the perfect move for you Buffy... I'm still going to miss you though." The saddness resurfaces on the both of our faces.

"Why you got to bring that up," asks Dalvin. He knows I was referring to him.

"Because, it's general information, Dal. Sometimes you just need a person to really hurt your feelings for you to realize it's time to pick up another book. You just happen to have been the last person Buffy was with so you feel a way."