Loving Her ~ Book FIVE

Earth Angel

"You need to get out of bed, you've been in here for almost two weeks. You haven't eaten, you haven't had a shower, all you do is go to the toilet and then climb back in here. Go and have a shower, put some clean clothes on, give your baby girl a hug. It's her Mummy's birthday today, she wants her Daddy to spend some time with her. We are going to make a cake, well Mum is, put some candles on it and sing happy birthday to Callie. I know it's not the same, and it's going to be hard, but she's here with us Aide. She's right there in your heart, each and every minute of the day and she always will be." Dad whispered as held me even tighter, I could feel his body shaking as his arms tightened around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to calm my breathing.

"Can you help me?" I choked out as another wave of tears hit me, my eyes now open and wide as Dad moved back and let me go. His face featured many emotions, the hurt and sadness in his eyes are making me feel sick. He nodded and never said a word as he got off the bed and moved the blanket off my naked body. I could see that he saw the marks on my skin that I had made. The sound of his gulp was loud and very clear as his shaky hands reached over to pick me up. Once he had me in his arms, he kept his eyes on mine as he carried me to the bathroom, I could feel Mum's eyes on me as she watched on.

"I'm going to sit you on the edge of the bath while I get your water ready." he said as he carefully and somehow easily sat me on the side of the tub, my limp body resting against the tiled wall. My eyes followed him as he moved around the bathroom, the shower now turned on and as he walked back over to the cabinet, he stopped and I could see the horrified look in his eyes as he looked at what I had on the basin. My gun.

"Is it loaded?" he asked, his voice cracking and his tears now streaming down his face. I couldn't respond, I just stared into his heartbroken eyes as he broke down. He knew the answer without me telling him.

"Oh god." he cried, watching him in this much pain hurt me more. Such a selfish thing on my part, to cause one of the people that I love the most so much pain. Mum then choose this moment to run in and see what's going on. Maci was in her arms, she looked from me to dad, and then back again. She quickly rushed over to me and placed a half naked Maci on my lap before running over to Dad. She cried as he gripped his heart in pain.

"Matty, NO!" she screamed and then helped him sit on the ground before she took off out of the bathroom. My eyes on him the whole time as his face contorted with pain. A few seconds later, she was back and with something in her hand, she was quick and sprayed something in his mouth. Within minutes Dad looked almost back to his usual self but the way he was looking at me was enough to realise that if I had done what I had planned to do this morning, it would have killed him too.

"I'm fine babe, can you just get me some water, my mouth is dry." Dad said as his voice croaked, he wiped his face and then slowly stood up, Mum was watching him carefully before she nodded and went and did as he asked. While Mum was gone, Dad never said anything as he picked up the gun and walked out of the bathroom. He came back a minute later and grabbed Maci from me. She started to giggle as he kissed her all over her face.

"What stopped you from doing it? That wasn't there last night." he said as he stripped Maci's tiny pants and nappy off, she was now butt naked like I was. I closed my eyes and remembered the moment, it was Maci's crying that stopped me.

"Maci." I whispered, when I said her name, she turned to face me and then her small arms came out and her little hands were flapping around. Dad smiled and walked closer to me and Maci almost bounced out of his arms when she was at arms length of me. I reached up and took my baby girl in my arms and winced when she gripped her tiny hands on my skin.

"Get in shower Aide, with Maci. Afterwards we will have something to eat and try and get you through this day as much as we can. Please don't do that again, I can't lose you, Maci can't lose you either." Dad was leaning against the door frame, he was keeping his eyes on us. Mum came back and then kept her eyes on Dad, that was horrible seeing him like that. I looked down and kissed Maci's head as she kicked her legs under the spray of the water. She loves her water.