Twice As Lethal (Lethal Weapon)

Good session, Doc

Riggs flashed her that Cheshire Cat grin again and threw out both arms. "C'mon now, Doc, you know I don't play well with others. Just ask Murtaugh if you want that second opinion."

He had neatly sidestepped the question, in his typical dodge and evade way, but she wasn't about to give up. "But you play well with her?"

"Guess I do."

"That's called an established rapport, Riggs." She smiled. Feeling somewhat proud he had made it that far with another human being.

"All the personal growth is making me practically giddy." Riggs fake shivered and glanced at his forearm. "Look at that, I just gave myself goosebumps. Y'know, I should get a lollipop as a reward. Now, you see, that's what this office is missing." He pointed a finger at her. "Candy incentive, for the patients who are doing better. Something to think about there, Doc."

"I'll bear it in mind," Maureen said with a smile.

"Guess this means I'm almost all fixed up."

Another smile from Maureen. They had a way to go yet, but it was good he was starting to feel he was making some form of progress. He had come far in the last eighteen months, even if he didn't feel he had. "So, how - "

"We kissed. Detective Shaw and I. There was kissing. We kissed."

He'd blurted it out and they both looked surprised that he had. It told Maureen all she needed to know about his 'tired, but lighter, but thoughtful' mood and just what had been on his mind. Which it had. For days.

Riggs couldn't help the frown that followed the blurting. He knew it had been a stupid thing to blurt out as soon as he had, and he also knew she wasn't going to let him gloss over this one. So he hurried on, tried to do a little damage control.

"Actually, that's not entirely how it happened. She kissed me. I sort of just went with it. It was a meeting of the lips. Actually, no..." He held up a finger and looked thoughtful. "More like a collision of the lips. She grabbed me and, yeah, that's what it was. But not in the romantic sense or anything."

Now Maureen looked confused. "There's another sense?"

"It was work." He gave his shoulders a jerk. "This banger she knew showed up and she thought she was about to be made, so to throw him off the scent, we made out. I, I, mean, I, I, I helped her out." He quickly corrected himself. "With the throwing off. That's it. What it was. That's all."

He was babbling. Now this was the usual Riggs. Maureen covered her smile. "Of course. And how did you feel after?"

"After?"

"The kiss."

Riggs needed to choose his words carefully. But it was a little late for that. Horse, stable door. It was his fault they were discussing it, therefore it was his fault he felt uncomfortable that they were discussing it. He wasn't an idiot, he knew the Doc could see right through him. After all it was her job and she was damn good at it. She understood the way he operated. His inability to open up easily was probably why, when he did, it was only ever to her during their sessions.

But, unlike previous times, she wasn't going to ease him into this one gently, not now it had been disclosed, and he wasn't certain he was ready to accept that he had kissed another woman and enjoyed it. But he had to give the good Doctor a little something.

"Good. Strange. Good. But strange." His eyes ticked to the clock on the wall. "I think that's my thirty minutes, Doc."

"We still have twenty minutes, Riggs."

"Yeah, but those pesky criminals are out there doing pesky criminal things and someone has to stop them. Dirty job and all that." He got to his feet and stepped over her coffee table in one easy stride and headed towards the door. "Good session, Doc."

"Riggs."

Something in her tone had him spinning on his heels. One hand on the door handle. "Yes, ma'am?"

Maureen swivelled in her chair. She couldn't force him to stay the entire session, it was difficult enough getting him to attend on the appointed date and time. But what she could do was give him the advice he needed and was too afraid to ask for.

"It's okay that you liked kissing Detective Shaw," she told him. "It's good. It's also okay if you feel guilty about it."

He paused. "Yeah, I just..." His words trailed off but he didn't need to say them for her to get it.

"It feels like you're cheating on Miranda."

He couldn't say it so he just nodded.

"She would want you to move on, Riggs. She would want you to be happy. Now all you have to do is allow yourself."

They both knew that was the hardest part of all for him. Loss had a way of paralysing a person and making it hard to move on without feeling guilty about doing so. But like Doc Cahill often told him, moving on didn't mean you were forgetting the person who was gone.

"I don't know how to be." There was barely a hint of a smile, but the sadness in his voice was evident. "Every time I feel just the smallest wave of happiness...along comes the guilt to sweep it all away."

"Guilt is the strongest, most powerful emotion we exhibit. It's easy to feel and impossible to dismiss. It's also a very strong motivator. But it tends to cloud our judgement."

He understood the deeper meaning behind the words. And he appreciated the words. He really did. He just wasn't sure he believed them enough. Not yet.

"I don't know, Doc. It's been two years and in all that time, since I lost her, I haven't even thought about another woman let alone kiss one."

"She wouldn't want you to be alone, Riggs."

"It wasn't my first choice, either," he replied with that same 'barely a smile' smile.

"As guilty as you feel about moving forward, you have to keep moving forward," Maureen gently advised. "Or else you're just stuck. This thing with Detective Shaw, if it is even a thing, it's a step in the right direction. Don't beat yourself up because you're beginning to experience a small wave of happiness."

"Beat myself up? Me. Never."

Maureen smiled. "It's okay to be happy, Riggs. You deserve to be happy. Please remember that."

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LETHAL WEAPON / TWICE AS LETHAL.

COPYRIGHT. Rixie. 2018.

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